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Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#21 Jul 2, 2012
Aisle Sitter wrote:
<quoted text>
oh, yeah. that's right. <sheepish grin> but, my SIL is in her late 40s and has 30 years of resentment built up (along with some substance abuse and spousal jackassery to further complicate matters). and try as we might, i don't think that hubby & i will have the influence that mathilda & J have... even though it may take awhile for mathilda's SIL to realize it.
oh, and funny story (ok, not really funny haha, but dont know what else to label it), i was encouraging our older niece to talk to someone abuot coping w/ her mother's situation. apparently, R told her mom "and AS seems to think that *I* need to talk to someone; *I'm* not the one with the problem!" <sigh> and the beat goes on.... family... ugh.
Oh yeah, I forgot about the age differences there. Maybe M's SIL should meet yours so she could see what happens WITHOUT some aid and encouragement from a sane relative.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#22 Jul 2, 2012
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Are you working all day tomorrow?
"past performance is no indication of future results..." but history shows that we may have an early dismissal, how early, though, we're never sure. Often around 2... I can e-mail or call wehn we find out...

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#23 Jul 2, 2012
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>Oh yeah, I forgot about the age differences there. Maybe M's SIL should meet yours so she could see what happens WITHOUT some aid and encouragement from a sane relative.
yeah, even in a "scared straight" situation, i don't think i could do that to the kid!:-P On teh other hand, maybe R could meet Mathilda & her SIL to see what sane relatives do and how i'm not batchit crazy!
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#24 Jul 2, 2012
LW1: I would have nothing to do with your mother. You gave her a chance. She is not acknowledging anything or getting help. You'd just be setting yourself up for disappointment.

LW2: Really? Is it THAT much of a bother to have someone send you trinkets??? How petty!!! It brings your SIL joy and your wife joy, who is it hurting??? Yuo can't get a box and put things in there? What a self-absorbed twit.
EJG

East Hartford, CT

#25 Jul 2, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
DEAR ABBY: When I was a child, my mother -- a bipolar schizophrenic -- abused me. At 12, I decided I had had enough of her mental and physical abuse. A family friend helped me to leave and be placed with my father. I am now 35 and haven't seen my mother since then.
A few years ago I wrote her a letter. In it I included pictures of my children, saying I would like her to know her grandchildren. She ripped the photos into pieces and sent them back with a note telling me to leave her alone and that I had "made my choice in life."
Last month, I received a letter from her saying she regretted destroying the pictures and would now like me to send more and she could meet us all. She also asked me for $6,000. She claims I "know" she never abused me and that she isn't mentally ill.
It has taken a long time for me to overcome the things she did to me. Even now, when I drive through the old neighborhoods where we lived -- a different one for every grade I went to school -- I break down in tears from the memories of her abuse.
Should I write my mother back or just let it go?-- ON AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER IN ILLINOIS
DEAR ON AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER: Let it go. Until your mother is well enough to admit what she did to you -- and she isn't -- do not expose your children to her. And as to the $6,000, if you can afford to spend that kind of money, spend it on therapy to overcome the sadness that still lingers from your abusive childhood. If you give it to your mother, she will only ask you for more and more.
Don't even bother with a woman who has never been, and is not now a fit parent to you. As long as she refuses to get the treatment that she needs and apologizes for the damage that she caused in your life, she deserves nothing from you.
animaniactoo

New York, NY

#26 Jul 2, 2012
Aisle Sitter wrote:
Ani, thanks for sharing. this gives me some different insight to some stuff we're dealing with between my MIL and hubby's sister. i've long realized taht the two are like gas fumes and sparks together, and SIL is in a very sucky set of circumstances right now that can get her the help she needs. MIL won't, in all likelihood, go for help to work wtih SIL, but at least SIL has teh opportunity to etiher move forward with some sort of relationship or learn how to sever ties and do whatever she needs to do to stay safe.
and thanks for the insight that monetary gifts could jeopardize future help. we've struggled to figure out how, if we could help SIL, realizing damn well taht we may never see it back, but if she's safe, we wouldn't care. but, if it could jeopardize future care, well, we'll have to rethink things.
yw. I would check with a lawyer on the financial stuff. It may be very different - most of the cut-off stuff applies between parents and children as "support" and "responsible for", and I'm not sure whether it would apply to siblings. There may be some steps that you can take which will mitigate any issues, such as setting money up in a trust earmarked for some specific purpose, rather than being directly available to her. Generally, you don't want to be in a position where either of you can claim her as your dependent.
PEllen

Orange City, FL

#27 Jul 2, 2012
Aisle Sitter wrote:
<quoted text>
"past performance is no indication of future results..." but history shows that we may have an early dismissal, how early, though, we're never sure. Often around 2... I can e-mail or call wehn we find out...
We are closing at 2. I was thinking about working from home since I found out I don't forfeit my unused floating holidays when I leave.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#28 Jul 2, 2012
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>We are closing at 2. I was thinking about working from home since I found out I don't forfeit my unused floating holidays when I leave.
We are too. WOO HOO!!!
Julie

Chicago, IL

#29 Jul 2, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: The fact that you even have to ask = you need therapy. Lots of it.
Nailed it.

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