'Meanest mom on the planet' places ad explaining son's goof

Sad wrote:

Public humiliation of her son? I don't like it. Selling the car is one thing, but the publicity is unnecessary and spiteful. All it teaches the son is that, yeah, mom is the meanest! And if she believes her son, why sell it????

We all need a little public humiliation occasionally. This "nearly adult" kid needed to learn there are consequences for breaking rules. If a cop had found it he'd be in jail which would be a worse kind of public humiliation. Mom's should be applauded for be a great parent.

I drank…when I was at college and walking everywhere. And if I had been caught underage I would have been humiliated by an arrest and my name in the paper. This kid was up for much worse. Open alcohol - violation one. Underage possession - violation 2. Potential DUI - walking the line in public and depending on the results, violation 3. Insurance rates skyrocket. Christ, when I was drinking over 12 years ago the penalties were far different. Kids are being treated harsher everyday. When I was younger the local cops would call your parents or give a talking to. Parents weren't sued or charged if their unthinking kid held a party with alcohol. When I was younger we got 2nd chances. That just doesn’t happen anymore. One DUI (.08 or above which is pretty low) and his life is pretty crappy for awhile.

This kid showed crappy judgment and probably thought if he didn’t get caught it was okay. Which increases his chances of trying it again. By giving him a huge parental smack down now she is actually making him think about what would have happened if the cops had caught him.

And I don’t think anyone is claiming they didn’t drink underage only that they agree with the mom's punishment. One doesn’t have to never do the crime to have an opinion on the punishment of any offense.

Im sure selling his car would have been punishment enough

Hu ray for the Mom and Dad.
Parents who teach personal responsibility are rare and need to be congratulated.

Dennis

"Sad" has it right. Sell the car? Absolutely. Humiliate him? Why? What does that accomplish that selling the car didn't accomplish? Oh, yeah, right, I forgot: it feeds her ego. That's why she kept it up: "The car has been sold, but Hambleton says she will continue the ad for another week -- just for the feedback."

and the only reason she did was out of spite and to embarass him as you can see from the ad. He's really going to respect her now

Reality wrote:

<quoted text>
We all need a little public humiliation occasionally.

So next time you make a mistake at work (or even if you actually commit a violation of workplace policy), you want to have your boss yell at you in front of everyone? Or if you're in school and you get a bad grade or break a rule, you want the administration to post your picture up around campus along with the grade or the violation? After all, if humiliation is good for us....

I dont know if selling it would have been enough. If I think with my 19 yr old self I would probably think that she was the meanest mom in the world and surrounded myself with other 19 yr olds who concurred that my parents were way strict and she was just a miserable snooping B***h. By publicizing it, I would see that other people who dont even know me or my mom agree with her and also see the danger I had nearly exposed myself to...

Selling the car would not have been enough. She put her son, his friends and his friend's parents on notice that this would not be tolerated. If his passengers had been hurt or killed in an accident with her irresponsible son driving the car she purchased, his "friends" and their parents would not hesitate to sue her for everything she owns. Besides saving her son's life, she protected herself.

The ad was just as humiliating to the mother as it was the son. She put herself out there as snoopy, mean, and it could have completely backfired.

Even if it was humiliating for the son, it was needed. I interpreted her rules as "no booze in the car." Even if it was "his friend's" booze, a 19 year old should have enough courage to say, "I'm sorry I don't allow alcohol in my car. I don't want to risk getting a ticket." If her 19 year old son can't stand up to his friends because it would make him seem "uncool" than either: one - a parent's intervention is necessary to make him follow the rules that were set and to safeguard him; or two - the son isn't mature enough to have his own car.

P-Lee wrote:

Selling the car would not have been enough. She put her son, his friends and his friend's parents on notice that this would not be tolerated. If his passengers had been hurt or killed in an accident with her irresponsible son driving the car she purchased, his "friends" and their parents would not hesitate to sue her for everything she owns. Besides saving her son's life, she protected herself.

Neither you nor any other pro-humiliation commenter has explained exactly what you hope to accomplish with humiliation. If the mother takes his car away, he'll be mad for a while but he'll get over it and eventually thank her for it. In the meantime, he can't drink and drive because he doesn't have a car. What more does humiliation add to this? Do you respect people who humiliate you? Are you more inclined to obey them? Or do you perhaps build up and hold a grudge against them? Look for ways to go around them, get back at them, undermine them, etc.? When someone enforces rules respectfully and discretely, we eventually admit that they're doing it for our own good and the good of others and we know that we can trust them to do the right thing even when the right thing is hard or unpopular. But when someone deliberately humiliates us, they betray any trust we might have had, which hurts and hurt leads to anger, not respect or obediance.

If the mother takes his car away, he'll be mad for a while but he'll get over it and eventually thank her for it.

-- personally it took me about 10-12 years to come to that relization that my punishments were for my own good.

When someone enforces rules respectfully and discretely, we eventually admit that they're doing it for our own good and the good of others and we know that we can trust them to do the right thing even when the right thing is hard or unpopular. But when someone deliberately humiliates us, they betray any trust we might have had, which hurts and hurt leads to anger, not respect or obediance.

--see I think that's a bit of a leap. Perhaps with repeated humiliation a kid would do that but one instance? Of course maybe this is the way she parents all the time, even for the slightest infractions. Im going by the assumption that this was a one time huge punishment for a one time huge violation of the law and disrepect for her, the owner of the car.

My mom confided in me awhile back that during my teen and early 20 years, she felt like she was watching me run to the edge of the cliff at full speed and I was deaf to her warnings and shook off any restraints. So there came a time when she had to let me run and hop i would stop myself or that the cliff wouldnt be too high.

And I sort of see this rule as that cliff. DUI is a huge thing now. Andy from Mayberry isnt going to chuckle and say "boys will be boys" and release him to his parents. An accident under the influence is now grounds for a _manslaughter_ charge. The violation (in my admittedly biased eyes) risked his life and freedom. It risked other people's lives and his parents financial security. It also put the family's dignity at risk (how may forums have the "where were the parents?" comments when the kid majorly screws up). So rather than risk that her kid would stop running off the cliff or survive a 1000ft fall (carrying his whole family with him), she shoved him off a 10 ft cliff to show him how scary the fall is.

so, I just cant say she's in the wrong

She purchased the car, she has the right to sell it.
Four underage college students have died in Minnesota this academic year from alcohol poisoning. She did the right thing.

Dienne wrote:

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Neither you nor any other pro-humiliation commenter has explained exactly what you hope to accomplish with humiliation. If the mother takes his car away, he'll be mad for a while but he'll get over it and eventually thank her for it. In the meantime, he can't drink and drive because he doesn't have a car. What more does humiliation add to this? Do you respect people who humiliate you? Are you more inclined to obey them? Or do you perhaps build up and hold a grudge against them? Look for ways to go around them, get back at them, undermine them, etc.? When someone enforces rules respectfully and discretely, we eventually admit that they're doing it for our own good and the good of others and we know that we can trust them to do the right thing even when the right thing is hard or unpopular. But when someone deliberately humiliates us, they betray any trust we might have had, which hurts and hurt leads to anger, not respect or obediance.

People, especially children, are far more concerned about what their peers, teachers, coaches and community think of them than they are about what their parents think.

By making the community aware of this kid's mistake, and his friend's mistake, he is far less likely to do something else like this. Now his friend's parents are aware of this problem and perhaps they will pay closer attention to what their kids are doing also.

hey "someone" - great explanation .. I agree wholeheartly

Good for her, simple rules and he couldn't follow them. Excellent.

There is nothing that adjusts behavior faster than public humiliation. I appluad this women's actions. When I was 9, I found a gumball machine with the top unscrewed at the local grocery store and decided to help myself. My mom saw what I was doing, and with the store owners permission had me stand on one of the checkout counters and apologize to everyone in the store over the intercom. Never once have I even considered taking something again.

That Mom got my vote! ALL PARENTS SHOULD PAY ATTENTION TO THEIR KIDS. NO EXCEPTIONS. That woman is a true RESPONSIBLE adult. You have children? Grow up! Face the responsiblilities of parenting.
Peace to all responsible adults!

Dienne wrote:

<quoted text>
Neither you nor any other pro-humiliation commenter has explained exactly what you hope to accomplish with humiliation. If the mother takes his car away, he'll be mad for a while but he'll get over it and eventually thank her for it. In the meantime, he can't drink and drive because he doesn't have a car. What more does humiliation add to this? Do you respect people who humiliate you? Are you more inclined to obey them? Or do you perhaps build up and hold a grudge against them? Look for ways to go around them, get back at them, undermine them, etc.? When someone enforces rules respectfully and discretely, we eventually admit that they're doing it for our own good and the good of others and we know that we can trust them to do the right thing even when the right thing is hard or unpopular. But when someone deliberately humiliates us, they betray any trust we might have had, which hurts and hurt leads to anger, not respect or obediance.

Not being part of this particular family, it's hard to comment on this mother's judgment to embarrass her son. Perhaps, in her judgment it was the best method to get through to her son since simply selling the car may not have. As for the goal of the public embarrassment - it's a smack in the face, a wake-up call, a deterrent for repeated behavior... just like the death penalty... Will this tactic work for her son? Hopefully it will. Time will tell. Any of you with children, and a lick of humility, all know that parenting is a long road with hundreds of choices as to what's best for your children. We don't always make the best choice.

Joe wrote:

that's definitely going overboard. I dont know too many 19 years that didn't drink from time to time. Its not like he was in high school.

Your opinion on this is exactly why so many die and kill innocent people because of drinking and driving. Yes, teens will drink, but they do not need to drive.