Topix Chitown Regulars

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NWmoon wrote:

<quoted text>If the one not helping HAS been paying to fix up the place, then fine. But that's not at all the picture I got. The lw said that the sister doesn't help at all, just leaves it all to her. If she left out that, then that's on her.
And not your place to judge? Since when has this forum been non-judgemental? You judge plenty, all of us do here.
end.

You're right about this being the place for passing judgment and even making up the scenario we believe to be true and judging that one! Still, I judge that it's OK if an adult doesn't want to be stuck taking care of another adult if he/she doesn't want to.

The original letter, though, wasn't about her sister not helping. It was about her sister never being available because she was always taking her son to sports practice. The things she listed included missing graduations, an out-of-town wedding, and taking their parents to the doctor. As far as I recall, there was no mention about who did what for their parents other than being available to take them to the doctor.

Actually, I think we need to level the playing field for all the relatives and create a clear path to contribution.
See, many folks do see themselves helping their parents because nobody in the sphere of influence helps theirs. When you grow up in an environment where caring for the elderly is not stressed or encouraged then these kids will not think themselves capable of contributing.

If we could just get some federal grants of a zillion dollars then we could establish after school elderly care classes and teach kids that they need not watch their parents die is squalor, but that they can contribute to their care and benefit all of society.

Pennies on the dollar really....

cycle003 wrote:

<quoted text>
You're right about this being the place for passing judgment and even making up the scenario we believe to be true and judging that one! Still, I judge that it's OK if an adult doesn't want to be stuck taking care of another adult if he/she doesn't want to.
The original letter, though, wasn't about her sister not helping. It was about her sister never being available because she was always taking her son to sports practice. The things she listed included missing graduations, an out-of-town wedding, and taking their parents to the doctor. As far as I recall, there was no mention about who did what for their parents other than being available to take them to the doctor.

See, many folks do *NOT* see ...

cycle003 wrote:

<quoted text>
You're right about this being the place for passing judgment and even making up the scenario we believe to be true and judging that one! Still, I judge that it's OK if an adult doesn't want to be stuck taking care of another adult if he/she doesn't want to.
The original letter, though, wasn't about her sister not helping. It was about her sister never being available because she was always taking her son to sports practice. The things she listed included missing graduations, an out-of-town wedding, and taking their parents to the doctor. As far as I recall, there was no mention about who did what for their parents other than being available to take them to the doctor.

It's all a mystery to us, we aren't there. My opinion doesn't apply to those who are doing something for decent parents, whether it's hands on or anything else. It was about those who have decent parents, but won't do anything for them while another person is doing it all.
I will admit to some bias on the issue, since I was the one doing ALL the heavy lifting, while the asshat got all the rewards and did nothing but collect his monthly checks.

cycle003 wrote:

<quoted text>
You're right about this being the place for passing judgment and even making up the scenario we believe to be true and judging that one! Still, I judge that it's OK if an adult doesn't want to be stuck taking care of another adult if he/she doesn't want to.
The original letter, though, wasn't about her sister not helping. It was about her sister never being available because she was always taking her son to sports practice. The things she listed included missing graduations, an out-of-town wedding, and taking their parents to the doctor. As far as I recall, there was no mention about who did what for their parents other than being available to take them to the doctor.

LW has a host of issues with her sister that stem from sister not making the rest of the family as high a priority as lw thinks she should.

Mister Tonka wrote:

<quoted text>LW has a host of issues with her sister that stem from sister not making the rest of the family as high a priority as lw thinks she should.

And that's where my bias comes from with this letter. I get extremely annoyed at those who think other people are obligated to do all these things. "You need to ... " Ugh, no. I don't *need* to ...

cycle003 wrote:

<quoted text>
And that's where my bias comes from with this letter. I get extremely annoyed at those who think other people are obligated to do all these things. "You need to ... " Ugh, no. I don't *need* to ...

Do you prefer the phrase "If you were a decent person you would...?"

Sam I Am wrote:

<quoted text>
Do you prefer the phrase "If you were a decent person you would...?"

So if you don't cancel your other plans in order to go to your nephew's graduation or cousin's wedding, that means you're not a decent person?

Sam I Am wrote:

<quoted text>
Do you prefer the phrase "If you were a decent person you would...?"

If it fits, then fine, and feel free to your opinion of me based on my action or inaction.

For the most part, though, it doesn't matter because the people who usually think others *need* to do things are entitled and self-centered. If my sibling made a fuss about me not attending her kids' HS graduation (like the LW), I would laugh so hard.

Dear Prudie Live chat:
http://live.washingtonpost.com/dear-prudence-...

I don't have a single cousin for whom I'd even get a hotel room for a wedding these days. Those days were 20 years ago. Now I live in another state, we only see each other at funerals (only the still-close cousins go to each other's kids' weddings). If my closest cousin Amy got remarried (For wedding #3), I wouldn't go unless it was where *I* live. That doesn't make me a non-decent person.

And I say that as someone who has flown to other states and gotten hotel rooms for *long weekends*, then bought gifts, for cousins' weddings.

I'm done at this point. I'm sorry it took you until age 50 to get married, but we're no longer close enough for me to spend time and money that way.

Prudie:

L1: The handicapped child doesn't need to be institutionalized, you demon! The family needs some outside help!

L2: Yeah, your husband should have told you he had been engaged before, but I think you're making a huge deal over nothing.

L3: This is none of your business. She most likely DOES have serious body issues/an eating disorder, but again, it's not your place to deal with it.

L4: "none of his family had any idea that he had a problem with alcohol" Right, whatever. Anyway, geezus kryste, tell your mom to shut the hell up about it.

L5: Your boss is a boor.

l6: Re: the family in Lw1: It's not the LW's job to intervene and look for outside help. CPS probably IS the best place to call.

L7: Pretentious and braggy, sure. WHo cares, though? It's a piece of paper that only Matilda will keep in her box of precious mementos. everyone else will throw it away. ;)

L8: Dogs that bite and draw blood should be put to sleep, or only their owners -- adults, no kids -- should be around it and left to suffer themselves.

L9: I feel for Amy when her parents die and she's unprepared for the world.

L10: You're not a bad daughter. Your parents just are clueless idiots who think the world revolves around them. Tell them their dog's not welcome and that you'll help find a hotel that takes a destructive dog with a hefty deposit. I never understand how someone feels they should go to such lengths to accommodate rude, inconsiderate relatives.

cycle003 wrote:

Dear Prudie Live chat:
http://live.washingtonpost.com/dear-prudence-...

"Dear Prudie, My father-in-law died due to his own drunk driving about six months ago. Up to his death, none of his family had any idea that he had a problem with alcohol"

Not to excuse what he did, but one incident does not automatically mean he had a problem with alcohol. Unless you uncovered more, this could easily be a bad decision that ended tragically.

cycle003 wrote:

Dear Prudie Live chat:
http://live.washingtonpost.com/dear-prudence-...

"Dear Prudie, My sister-in-law "Amy" is 33, but has the mental faculties of about age 8. My in-laws have a family history of excusing Amy and typically she gets what she wants."

I still wanna know how she get that column in the Tribune?

Mister Tonka wrote:

<quoted text>
"Dear Prudie, My father-in-law died due to his own drunk driving about six months ago. Up to his death, none of his family had any idea that he had a problem with alcohol"
Not to excuse what he did, but one incident does not automatically mean he had a problem with alcohol. Unless you uncovered more, this could easily be a bad decision that ended tragically.

Good point.

cycle003 wrote:

Dear Prudie Live chat:
http://live.washingtonpost.com/dear-prudence-...

L3: While I agree with Angela that there's nothing these kids can actually DO about their father's girlfriend's eating disorder, they do have a right to be comfortable in their own home (their father's house). They NEED to be able to compromise on the thermostat.(The fact that Julia lives with her single-dad boyfriend who has minor children is a whole separate issue).

Mister Tonka wrote:

<quoted text>
"Dear Prudie, My father-in-law died due to his own drunk driving about six months ago. Up to his death, none of his family had any idea that he had a problem with alcohol"
Not to excuse what he did, but one incident does not automatically mean he had a problem with alcohol. Unless you uncovered more, this could easily be a bad decision that ended tragically.

I agree, good point. Either the family was in major denial, or the FIL is an unfortunate statistic.

Mister Tonka wrote:

<quoted text>
"Dear Prudie, My sister-in-law "Amy" is 33, but has the mental faculties of about age 8. My in-laws have a family history of excusing Amy and typically she gets what she wants."
I still wanna know how she get that column in the Tribune?

HA!!