Ask Amy 11-5

http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/column...

LW1: I can't bi lieve it!

LW2: What is this world coming to?

LW3: Oh...My...Gosh...

LW. I like sex. I like doing it and occasionally talking about it but I don't like it pushed in my face every time I turn around. I don't care what my second cousin does in the bedroom or who he is dating as long as the date acts restrained and courteous in public.
Apropos of the newscasters with cleavage, Sex Sells, but I am going to a family gathering, not a marketing event.
Here are some words I like: decorum, discretion, restraint
There are lots of things that should remain private. Sexual orientation is one of them unless I am interested in the person sexually.
Officially coming out sounds like a bid for acceptance of a lifestyle, Better to suggest counseling--for real-- so LW becomes comfortable enough with himself that he doesn't need to flaunt his sexuality. Imagine how disappointed he will be when he stands up at Thanksgiving, says Hey everybody, I'M GAY!, and the response is, Oh, how nice for you, pass the mashed potatoes. Guess what, the world does not revolve around nor, these days, much care who he sleeps with. If he is looking for acceptance, he should start with himself first.
LW and the kid yesterday in the hammock with his girlfriend are two sides of the same coin
No, I am not keen on someones Public Displays of Affection or arousal whatever their orientation. I put it in the same category as urination. Keep the sex in the bedroom, and the pee in the toilet and the door closed.
It is narcissistic people like LW, where everything is about him, that need to flaunt their behavior in public, that causes such disdain of us from non western cultures.

LW 1 "Come out....come out....wherever you are..."

LW 2 SHE THANKED YOU IN PERSON. A note would have been nice, but not required. To demand one is exceptionally rude. Stop being a cranky old man and be grateful you have family who puts up with you.

LW1 - Why do you need to "officially" come out? Are you looking for help in finding dates and want to make sure that your family is including a penis in the "must have" category?

Most families are not very good at keeping secrets. If your immediate family knows about it, your extended family probably does too and they still love you.

LW2 - I love hippiechick's response.

LW3 - What an annoying LW. She must be a beyotch to work for.

LW1: No one cares about your sex life!

LW2: So you tried to get with your grandnephew's wife and she didn't take the bait, huh? Now you're angry and bitter?

LW3: Angry man-hater alert!

L1: You already came out -- to your immediately family. I think you just want lots of attention and praise for coming out. Enough is enough. Just be gay and get on with your life.

L2: "I text-messaged her and said, "If you're still enjoying Mom's jewelry, I would like you to send me a thank-you note."" Like an apology, a "thank you" is meaningless when it's been demanded. Drop it already. You'll be dead in about 7 years anyway.(By the way,$1500 worth of jewelry isn't much, so get over yourself.)

L3: "Dear Chagrined: I agree with you that this husband behaved terribly, however, my point was that the wife's placing written cards into his hands and asking him to place them on colleagues' desks was treating him like a fifth-grader, and he responded by acting like one." amy, you're a fucking idiot and a worthless human being.

PEllen wrote:

LW. I like sex. I like doing it and occasionally talking about it but I don't like it pushed in my face every time I turn around. I don't care what my second cousin does in the bedroom or who he is dating as long as the date acts restrained and courteous in public.
Apropos of the newscasters with cleavage, Sex Sells, but I am going to a family gathering, not a marketing event.
Here are some words I like: decorum, discretion, restraint
There are lots of things that should remain private. Sexual orientation is one of them unless I am interested in the person sexually.

You mean, like how straight people flaunt their straightness on a daily basis? I love the double standard breeders have when it comes to this. So a gay person shouldn't talk about his new boyfriend? I know TONS of gay people and NONE of them talk about their sex lives the way you're implying.

PEllen wrote:

No, I am not keen on someones Public Displays of Affection or arousal whatever their orientation. I put it in the same category as urination. Keep the sex in the bedroom, and the pee in the toilet and the door closed.
It is narcissistic people like LW, where everything is about him, that need to flaunt their behavior in public, that causes such disdain of us from non western cultures.

Or perhaps it is narcissistic people who demand that their uptight and prudish standards be practiced by everyone around them.

edogxxx wrote:

LW1: No one cares about your sex life!

I swear, you breeders are more interested in gay people's sex lives than gay people are! A gay man isn't any more into sex than a straight man. Period. So a person discussing his LIFE -- the man he's dating, the house they're buying -- isn't a conversation about sex. It's a conversation about his life, not his sex life.

L1- Trust me, your entire family already knows. If you need to make a formal announcement, take out a full-page ad in the paper. That should garner the attention you are so desperately seeking.
L2- What a fussy tight-assed old man. A verbal thank-you isn't good enough? Well, excuuuuse me!
L3- I do blame the wife for being too cheap to put stamps on the notes & mailing them herself.

Re: the TY note: Etiquette is very clear on this: A written thank you note from the niece would be expected and appropriate. Thanking someone in person doesn't relieve one of dropping the ball on this.

However, did she even WANT the jewelry? One piece worth $1500 might be nice, or two pieces, but what if it was 10 pieces worth $1500 total? Or 100 pieces? Sounds like a bunch of cheap jewelry from Walmart to me. And how close can the wife of his grandnephew be to this old guy? Were there no other women in the family?

LW1: I love hearing about people wanting to "officially" come out. Is there an offical form to fill out? Does it need to be notarized?

Lw2 & Lw3: It warms my heart every time I see the tradition of obligatory thank you notes die another little death.

LW1 The LW has shared with his immediate family. Others will catch on in time. He does not owe them an explanation.

LW2 First, I would not have given expensive family jewelry to a grand-nephew's new wife. With the high divorce rates, I bet she will be wearing the diamonds when she marries her next husband. Second, a written thank you note needs to be voluntary to have any real meaning. I think a note of appreciation was in order, but the LW should not have requested one.

LW3 Men can be clueless, but the fault lies with the wife. Invitations and thank you notes should be mailed.

AngelaMN wrote:

L3: "Dear Chagrined: I agree with you that this husband behaved terribly, however, my point was that the wife's placing written cards into his hands and asking him to place them on colleagues' desks was treating him like a fifth-grader, and he responded by acting like one." amy, you're a fucking idiot and a worthless human being.

HEY! The f word got printed?! Is that new or reserved for AngelaMN? ;) But I must say, while I don't always like Amy's replies, I do not like her being called a worthless human being.
That's uncalled for.

CrazyMaddy wrote:

a written thank you note needs to be voluntary to have any real meaning.

Exactly. If you browbeat someone into sending you a thank you note, can you really say that it represents actual thanks?

PEllen wrote:

LW. I like sex. I like doing it and occasionally talking about it but I don't like it pushed in my face every time I turn around. I don't care what my second cousin does in the bedroom or who he is dating as long as the date acts restrained and courteous in public.
Apropos of the newscasters with cleavage, Sex Sells, but I am going to a family gathering, not a marketing event.
Here are some words I like: decorum, discretion, restraint
There are lots of things that should remain private. Sexual orientation is one of them unless I am interested in the person sexually.
Officially coming out sounds like a bid for acceptance of a lifestyle, Better to suggest counseling--for real-- so LW becomes comfortable enough with himself that he doesn't need to flaunt his sexuality. Imagine how disappointed he will be when he stands up at Thanksgiving, says Hey everybody, I'M GAY!, and the response is, Oh, how nice for you, pass the mashed potatoes. Guess what, the world does not revolve around nor, these days, much care who he sleeps with. If he is looking for acceptance, he should start with himself first.
LW and the kid yesterday in the hammock with his girlfriend are two sides of the same coin
No, I am not keen on someones Public Displays of Affection or arousal whatever their orientation. I put it in the same category as urination. Keep the sex in the bedroom, and the pee in the toilet and the door closed.
It is narcissistic people like LW, where everything is about him, that need to flaunt their behavior in public, that causes such disdain of us from non western cultures.

Um, the guy wasn't planning to give a BJ in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner as proof of his gayness. He may in fact never have slept with anyone, man or woman, and he'd still be gay because that is who he is. What he specifically does in bed is no one's business, but if he brings his BF to Cousin Frank's wedding, is that "flaunting" his sexuality? In fact, maybe bringing a BF to Thanksgiving dinner would be the best way to officially come out to the extended family. If they're truly accepting, he'll soon find out.

Jane wrote:

<quoted text>
HEY! The f word got printed?! Is that new or reserved for AngelaMN? ;) But I must say, while I don't always like Amy's replies, I do not like her being called a worthless human being.
That's uncalled for.

That's your opinion. I have mine.

L1: What Jess said.

L2: What hippichick said.

L3: Just a Slim Fast for me today, I'm trying to watch what I eat.

Lucy wrote:

<quoted text>
Um, the guy wasn't planning to give a BJ in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner as proof of his gayness. He may in fact never have slept with anyone, man or woman, and he'd still be gay because that is who he is. What he specifically does in bed is no one's business, but if he brings his BF to Cousin Frank's wedding, is that "flaunting" his sexuality? In fact, maybe bringing a BF to Thanksgiving dinner would be the best way to officially come out to the extended family. If they're truly accepting, he'll soon find out.

I (heart) you! And not in a gay way!