Dear Abby 9-8

SOUTH FLORIDA TRANSPLANT FINDS TOO MANY IMPLANTS

DEAR ABBY: I am a 46-year-old man who has been divorced for six months. I recently moved down to South Florida for a new job. I am trying out the dating scene, but it has been difficult because I was married for 10 years.

Abby, it's hard to find decent, intelligent women down here. All the women I have dated so far have had breast implants. These not only look strange, but also feel uncomfortable during intimate moments. These women get a lot of looks from other men who gawk at their chests when we're together.

Would it be wrong of me to ask a woman, say within the first few dates, if her breasts are real? I don't care if they're big or small, I just want them real.-- NEEDS A REAL WOMAN IN FLORIDA

DEAR NEEDS A REAL WOMAN: I do not recommend asking women you have just met if their breasts are "real." It could lead to a punch in the nose. I am recommending you visit some dating sites and, in the area where you are asked to list "interests," you state "intelligent women who have not had plastic surgery." I'm sure you'll find many. Of course, whether you have what they're looking for remains to be seen.

P.S. One final thought: If a boob job (forgive the vernacular) has been successful, it is difficult if not impossible to detect. I have this on good authority.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for two months and together for two years. While we were dating, I learned that "Mario" cheated on me during our first year of dating. When I confronted him, he told me he didn't know why, but that he loved me with all his heart. A few months later, he asked me to marry him and I accepted.

A few days ago I discovered that not only did he cheat on me with several women, but also with several men. Mario says he didn't know how to tell me about his past because it was "disgusting" to him so he blocked it out of his mind.

Had he told me all this before we married, I would not have gone through with it. I am now totally confused about his sexuality. Mario says it was "just a phase" -- it was in the past. He says he's a changed man and he wants to be with me. I don't know what to believe anymore because all he does is lie to me. Please help me.-- BROKENHEARTED AND CONFUSED IN TEXAS

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: The first thing you need to do is get checked for STDs and HIV, because you may have been exposed to some of them during the "phase" your husband "blocked out of his mind." Whether Mario admits it or not, he is bisexual. Next, go online to www.StraightSpouse.org and you will find the help and support you are looking for.

Because you can't trust your husband to be honest, you will have to take care of yourself now. Please don't put it off because your emotional and physical health could depend upon it. On the plus side, be thankful there are not children involved. A man who always lies isn't just a poor husband; he would make an even worse role model.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: At sundown, Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, starts, the beginning of our time of solemn introspection. "Leshana tova tikatevu" -- may each of you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year.

L1: You say you don't like fake boobs. But are you prepared for natural boobs on a 46-year-old woman? I suggest match.com . Best dating site out there.

L2: Your husband is bisexual and a philanderer. He likely will not be able to be faithful to you, especially if he desires sex with men. I'd end the marriage. I couldn't trust him.

L3: Wow, Rosh Hashanah seems early this year! When I lived in Des Moines, we had a sukkah (sp?) mobile! A portable sukkah that was driven around town.

Abby, you are full of it. Boob jobs are always detectable to those who can see and touch them.

cycle003 wrote:

Abby, you are full of it. Boob jobs are always detectable to those who can see and touch them.

Are you sure? I'm thinking of the women who get *small* implants, to go from being flat/A cup to a B cup. I suppose my argument works only for the issue of whether you can tell by seeing them.

I would think, having felt saline and silicone implants (not already put into boobs), you can always tell by feeling them.

Also, Abby's suggestion that he put in an online profile "no plastic surgery" is silly. What about a woman who had a tummy tuck after having children? Or who hated her nose and had it changed? Or who had a precancerous mole removed from their face (plastic surgery required there)? Or other surgical things people do for their health or state of mind?

The blanket statement is overkill.

1 I feel your pain brotha! If I had a nickel....

2 So Mario lika the sausage too eh! Better get out before he spoils your ravioli.

3 Can I leave work early even if I am not jewish?

cycle003 wrote:

Abby, you are full of it. Boob jobs are always detectable to those who can see and touch them.

I have no firsthand knowledge but I agree with you because this is what I've always heard.

Maybe you can't tell to look at them, but you can always tell when you touch 'em.

Also, I agree with Angela that the plastic surgery thing isn't a good idea to put in a profile and that LW2 should leave her husband.

Actually, it's really not that hard to tell if they are real on most women. There are many "Iffy" racks out there, and it is best to use the old adage. If they look too good to be real, the probably aren't.

AngelaMN wrote:

Also, Abby's suggestion that he put in an online profile "no plastic surgery" is silly. What about a woman who had a tummy tuck after having children? Or who hated her nose and had it changed? Or who had a precancerous mole removed from their face (plastic surgery required there)? Or other surgical things people do for their health or state of mind?
The blanket statement is overkill.

Yeah. My mom had rhinoplasty in her 40s, but it was to straighten out a deviated septum. She was hardly glamourous or vain, but technically, it was plastic surgery.

RACE wrote:

Actually, it's really not that hard to tell if they are real on most women. There are many "Iffy" racks out there, and it is best to use the old adage. If they look too good to be real, the probably aren't.

I guess i would assume that if they are bigger than one would expect in relation to the body fat on the woman, they're likely not real.

I know there are exceptions, but it's a rare 5'6 130 pound woman who has a C cup.

LW1 - People who relocate to South Florida often love the beach, so yeah you will find alot of artificially filled bikinis. If you venture outside of South Beach, you may find less plastic.

LW2 - Annullment time. Next guy, find out more about him before marrying.

LW3 - Pass the matzo balls!

Life s a Beech wrote:

LW2 - Annullment time. Next guy, find out more about him before marrying.

I was thinking, how did the guy find time for so many flings? I don't even live with my boyfriend, but I generally know his schedule. I like to think I'd know if something hinky were happening. Two years into dating (didn't the LW say they were together two years before getting married?), if you don't know he's banging men and women on the side, either he's a consummate liar or the two of you aren't very close.

L1. The correct terminology is 'breast augmentation'.
No wonder you're divorced.

LW1: If you cannot tell, I dunno how you broach that subject early on.

I think you sorta need to kick the tires, so to speak, to find out or put it in your dating profile that you prefer natural hooters.

You might miss out on a nice lady, tho, if you are so shallow.

LW2: The warning signs were missed by Mrs. Dopey LW. Run and seek an annulment.

loose cannon wrote:

L1. The correct terminology is 'breast augmentation'.
No wonder you're divorced.

I'm guessing by this post that you probably aren't a big fan of my hooter remark in my post.

;p

LW1: Fake letter. How many women has he been "intimate" with in just a few months? And if every woman in south Florida has breast implants, then I really need to move down there.

LW2: Yeah, get tested and a divorce.

LW3: Who wants pork chops?!

Obviously, I haven't touched every breast out there, but I have 100% confidence that I'm going to be able to tell if I touch a fake one. There are likely going to be some that are difficult to tell even by looking at them, but from the pr0n, "gentleman's" clubs and late-night cable I've seen, nearly all fake ones are pretty darn obvious. Sure, if you've got on a bra and a shirt, I might not be able to tell.

I think Abby has fake ones and thinks they look great. Fake breasts are as gross to me as missing teeth on a woman.

Lw1: "Abby, it's hard to find decent, intelligent women down here. All the women I have dated so far have had breast implants." So having breast implants makes you a stupid whore?

"I do not recommend asking women you have just met if their breasts are 'real.' It could lead to a punch in the nose."
followed by her telling you "They're real and spectacular!" as she walks away.

"P.S. One final thought: If a boob job (forgive the vernacular) has been successful, it is difficult if not impossible to detect. I have this on good authority."
How many women have you felt up, Abby? You don't know jack about what you are talking about.

LW2: "I don't know what to believe anymore because all he does is lie to me."
That would be a good indicator of who NOT to believe.

StraightSpouse.com ? Why? If he was just cheating with men, maybe. But he's all out cheating. The fact that he's back door is not exit only is irrelevant in light of this.

RACE wrote:

3 Can I leave work early even if I am not jewish?

Old co-worker from NY told me that they used to call Rosh Hashanah
Rusha Homa.