Abby 2-10

DEAR ABBY: There is an ongoing issue between my husband and me. It's his disregard for my personal safety. Our large city is known for its heavy, fast traffic and impatient drivers. "Jon" is a good driver. He likes to drive in the left (passing) lane on the highway or tollway, usually about five miles above the posted speed limit.

This is considered too slow for many drivers, who become impatient and aggressive having to be behind us in the fast lane. They flash their headlights and tailgate us, trying to get him to move over into the right lane so they can pass, but Jon refuses to yield. If they start to pass us on the right, he will speed up and race them so they can't get ahead of him. He says he's "teaching them a lesson."

I have told my husband repeatedly that these games are dangerous and they scare me. Not only could we get into an accident, but we could get into an ugly confrontation or worse. I am terrified in these situations and he knows it, but he continues. I try to drive as often as possible, but I can't see as well at night as I used to, so Jon drives at night or when we're going long distances. With the price of gas and considering the inconvenience and inefficiency, it doesn't make sense to go in separate cars. Do you have any suggestions?-- ON A COLLISION COURSE IN HOUSTON

DEAR ON A COLLISION COURSE: Jon should be told that impeding the flow of traffic is a very dangerous practice. His childish behavior could incite road rage, and it is everyone's responsibility to minimize instances in which road rage can occur.

Contact the Department of Public Safety to get a copy of the Texas Drivers Handbook. That way you can show Jon in black and white that his behavior is not only wrong but dangerous. While some husbands are not receptive to a wife's comments about their driving, most will listen to what a state trooper has to say about good driving practices versus bad ones. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

And one more word of advice: Continue being the driver as often as possible. Your lives could depend on it.

DEAR ABBY: I was discussing with my 26-year-old daughter how parents punish their kids, when suddenly she told me that she hated that I would make her write "lines" when she was growing up. She mentioned that one day I made her do it when her friend was there to play with her. I felt really bad about this and wonder why she is bringing this up now.-- WONDERING DOWN SOUTH

DEAR WONDERING: It came up now because punishment was the topic of conversation, and she flashed back on how humiliating it was to have been punished in front of a friend. Clearly it made an impact -- and it would be interesting to know if the infraction was repeated after that.

Abby gave good advice. Better to find a man with authority, police man or one he'll listen to, to warn this husband than to see him injured or killed.

LW2 was nice about the "line writing". There are meaner punishments out there than that.

L1: Tell your stupid husband that it's not his job to enforce the speed limit. I hate your husband.

L2: Tell your daughter that parents do lots of good things and also make mistakes, and it's all a part of the package. Your daughter is being pretty immature if she's bringing it up NOW. If she doesn't like how she was raised, she's free to raise her own kids differently.

1- Yeah that's how people get shot. Your husband's an @zz and part of the problem.

2- Writing lines!? WRITING LINES!?! I was paddled with a wooden spoon with a hole in it! I would have taken writing lines any day!!

If you ask a cop, he will tell you to drive the posted limit in the right hand lane. Once you are on the highway the ambient speed is usually higher and people who appoint themselves monitors by driving at or close to the limit like LW’s husband do impede the flow of safe travel, but try telling that to a cop

1 Tell you husband that the only thing he is teaching anybody, is that heisanasshole.
2 let's see....Your talking about punishements, and you wonder why your daughter mentions that she hated the one you doled out to her. Further she was so humiliated by the experience that she remembers to this day how much it hurt. Top that off with your admission that YOU feel badly about it and I think we have a nice case of "Mommy Dearest" playing out. I hope you kid does better than you.
3 Stupid rehash, why do we always get these stupid rehas.....oh!

LW1 - Abby's advice is not good. It might cost a little gas a couple times, but she needs to tell her husband she isn't riding with him any more until he can drive like a sane person. Then follow through and drive yourself. After a couple of trips he will come around unless he is a basically insane person. If he is insane, then just plan on driving yourself forever.

There are people out there with guns in their cars. The next trip with your testosterone-impaired husband may be your last trip. Save yourself - to hell with him.

LW1: There's no sugar coating this. Your husband is an as-s-hole. Are you sure this is the only place that manifests itself?

LW2:"It came up now because punishment was the topic of conversation"

Really? You had to have Abby explain that to you? Idiot.

PEllen wrote:

If you ask a cop, he will tell you to drive the posted limit in the right hand lane. Once you are on the highway the ambient speed is usually higher and people who appoint themselves monitors by driving at or close to the limit like LW’s husband do impede the flow of safe travel, but try telling that to a cop

Hah! Many times, the cops are the ones who are being impeded. I can't tell you how many times I see a cop in the fast lane riding someone's ass and the dude doing exctly the speed limit for fear of getting pulled over. Too scared to spped up and pass the guy next to him and switch lanes for fear of getting pulled over, but once he finally does, the cop zips past him now that the lane is finally freed up. I've been that guy and a witness to that guy.

Mister Tonka wrote:

LW1: There's no sugar coating this. Your husband is an as-s-hole. Are you sure this is the only place that manifests itself?

I thought the same thing. Why is she still married to him? A million years ago, I broke up with a guy because of the way he drove. One time he actually passed a semi on an OFF RAMP! That one was the last straw.

RedheadwGlasses wrote:

Your daughter is being pretty immature if she's bringing it up NOW. If she doesn't like how she was raised, she's free to raise her own kids differently.

??? She's bringing it up because that's what they were talking about. No matter what the topic, people contribute to the conversation by speaking from their own experience. So daughter shared her experience. Mom's the one being immature for seeming so shocked and bothered that one of her punishments had such an impact that the daughter still remembers it.

Mister Tonka wrote:

<quoted text>??? She's bringing it up because that's what they were talking about. No matter what the topic, people contribute to the conversation by speaking from their own experience. So daughter shared her experience. Mom's the one being immature for seeming so shocked and bothered that one of her punishments had such an impact that the daughter still remembers it.

I missed that part that it was a specific discussion. Oh well. My advice is the same. Tell her she's free to punish her children how she chooses when she becomes a parent.

LW1: Jon is going to come across the wrong person one day. Personally, I think, when that day comes that person should get a medal and cash reward.

LW2: I think it is stupid to allow your child to misbehave with impunity just because a friend is over. It only teaches them that they can misbehave when a friend is over

L1: What an azz. Bad driving and a lack of regard for your feelings should have been deal-breakers when you were dating him. What's he going to do if you have a kid and he's driving around with your baby in the car?

L2: What Sub said--I knew kids like that growing up--could get away with murder in front of other kids because their mommies didn't want to humiliate their precious babies. And obviously, the LW's daughter remembered the experience, so it may have been an appropriate punishment. At least she didn't get spanked...

Sublime1 wrote:

LW1: Jon is going to come across the wrong person one day. Personally, I think, when that day comes that person should get a medal and cash reward.

Let's just hope LW (and any kids) are not in the car when it happens.

LW2: I think it is stupid to allow your child to misbehave with impunity just because a friend is over. It only teaches them that they can misbehave when a friend is over

LW sounds like a loon to me. They were talking about punishment and she's distraught that her daughter mentioned the one she hated the most? Freak. What did she expect? "Oh Mommy. I am so blessed to have been raised by you. I embrace the memory of the valuable lessons you taught me, and wouldn't dream of describing those moments as punishment"?

oops

itser wrote:

<quoted text>
LW sounds like a loon to me. They were talking about punishment and she's distraught that her daughter mentioned the one she hated the most? Freak. What did she expect? "Oh Mommy. I am so blessed to have been raised by you. I embrace the memory of the valuable lessons you taught me, and wouldn't dream of describing those moments as punishment"?

Hah. My 6-year-old has complained at me that his teacher is so mean because he does really bad things at school/daycare, she makes him write lines.(To put this in perspective, he has had to write lines 3 times since last July.)

I and his teacher came up with the lines idea as punishment together because it works well with his personality (he hates it far, far more than time-out) and because his handwriting needs work as well. And he REMEMBERS the punishment.

pde wrote:

<quoted text>
Hah. My 6-year-old has complained at me that his teacher is so mean because he does really bad things at school/daycare, she makes him write lines.(To put this in perspective, he has had to write lines 3 times since last July.)
I and his teacher came up with the lines idea as punishment together because it works well with his personality (he hates it far, far more than time-out) and because his handwriting needs work as well. And he REMEMBERS the punishment.

I remember the one time I had to write lines. We saw my teacher in the store and I wouldn't say 'hi'. I was way shy and I was also wigged out by seeing a teacher outside of school. I think I thought they lived in the broom closet or something. My mom made me write something like "I will greet my teacher when I see her in the store."

LW1: Who appointed your husband road teacher? No one, that's who. Highlight the section in the Rules of the Road that state that driving in the passing lane is illegal and then repeat that like a mantra next time he starts doing this.

And I agree, this cannot be the only place where this a-hole behavior shows itself.

LW2: Yeah, I'm not getting mommy's guilt. Unless she made her kid write the lines in her own blood, I don't see this as being so bad.

Ugh, I HATE drivers like that. And the only "lesson" they're "teaching" is how much other drivers realize they want to kill him. I don't know about where the LW lives, but, from the several times I've driven through Chicago I can say that that would be a good way to get killed.

I take 90 (the tollway) when I drive thru Chicago from a western state to visit family in the east and it's always a real zoo. And does anyone know WHY the PTB have imposed such ridiculously low speed limits on some of the stretches of 90 just before, through and after the city? I'm talking 40, 45. I try to do the speed limit not just because it's usually safer but also because I know they have those camera thingies or road sensors or both (as they make clear in several scolding Big Brother signs along the way) and I do not want or need a ticket and a record. But it's really unsafe because EVERYONE is zipping and zooming right past me going way faster, so I end up just going along with the flow to stay safe. I figure if a ticket is the price of staying alive, then so be it. WHY are those speed limits so ridiculously low?