Dear Abby 6-24

DEAR ABBY: I have set the guest list for my Fourth of July party. A few people I entertained last year will not be invited back this summer. Perhaps they'll recognize themselves when they read the following list:

(1) You arrived empty-handed.

(2) You arrived early and stayed late.

(3) You never reciprocated. It's OK if you don't entertain in your home, but how about a restaurant, bar or cafe?

(4) You complained about what I served.

(5) You solicited free advice from other guests who are legal or medical professionals. No guest in my home should have to work.(If you need a doctor or a lawyer, call their office during the week to make an appointment!)

(6) You raided our liquor cabinet without permission.

(7) You complained about how bad the traffic was getting here.

Abby, thanks for the forum.-- SAN FRANCISCO HOSTESS

DEAR HOSTESS: Hmmm. So you have been entertaining a collection of complaining moochers. I don't blame you for paring down your guest list. I'm sure it will make your Fourth of July parties more enjoyable and less stressful in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law, "Lisa," is 50 and married to husband No. 5. I'll call him "Steve." He is 38.(Lisa's son is 31.)

The problem isn't the age difference. It's the fact that her husband refuses to hold a steady job. Steve is often "between jobs" for six to eight months at a crack. Lisa had a job with the same company for 28 years and has a very nice income.

My husband and I are sick of seeing Steve mooching off his mom. He drives around in a new truck, dresses well, has a nice place to live and anything else he wants -- all at my mother-in-law's expense.

Abby, she retired recently, and Steve is spending her retirement money faster than it's coming in. What can we do to get rid of this bum?-- BUMMED OUT IN GEORGIA

DEAR BUMMED OUT: There is nothing you can do. After five husbands, Lisa knows what she wants. She wants a companion and is willing to pay the price. It's her money, and she has a right to spend it any way she wishes. I'm sorry, but not as sorry as she will be when her money runs out and Steve latches onto another meal ticket.

DEAR ABBY: My parents will celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary this summer. I know this is a huge deal for them, and I'd like to do something really nice.

I have been considering throwing them a party because they were never able to have a real wedding reception. It would probably include a guest list of about 150. However, because I am a full-time college student, my funds are limited.

I want to do something my parents will like, but I don't know how I'll pay for it. What could I do that will be nice, but not require me to take out a loan?-- AMY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR AMY: Under no circumstances should you take out a loan in order to give your parents an anniversary party you can't afford. Figure out how many people you can afford to entertain within your budget -- or just take your parents out for a nice dinner. I am positive that whatever you do for them they will deeply appreciate.

LW1: LW had some guest last year with less than perfect manners. On the other hand, she seems to be keeping close track of the social gaffes of every guest. I'd suggest that she lighten up and enjoy her own parties.

LW2: Butt the F out. It's her life/money.

LW3: I dropped the ball big time on my parents' 25 anniversary. My parents were hoping that my mom's sisters and brothers would remember and throw them a party equivalent to the party that the others had. I was instructed not to tell my aunts and uncles that the day was approaching, so I didn't and they all forgot.(Stupid mind game dreamed up by my dad, who had an axe to grind.) Here's my point based on this experience: Determine what your parents would like based on how they currently socialize. Does your extended family throw big parties in a hall with a live band for special events? Do they all gather at each other's homes and have a potluck? Do they go to the park/beach/lake and have a barbeque? Do they go to a nice restaurant and split the check? Whatever the answer is, buy them a special keepsake without blowing your budget and plan a nice party that includes the people they normally socialize with. Some nice restaurants will place you in the back room for no extra charge if you are bringing a large party. Start making phone calls now.

I wouldn't want to spend time with either LW1 or
LW2. They rub me the wrong way.

LW3 is nice. Why can't LW3 grill hot dogs and
serve potato salad to celebrate the anniversary--(especially
if LW3's paretns would like that)?

1 Well, aren't you precious. I am sure if you keep at it you can weddle that party down to one or two people.

2 Hold an introvention and take the guy to meet Rocco.

3 Hock everything, after all, if they cant afford to thow themselves a party after 25yrs, their kid should do it for them

LW1: Do you walk around the party with a score sheet in hand? This might be why some don't reciprocate. They think you would put their guests off.

L1: I'm sure she came up with this list of grievances over a period of years. You can't be this honked off over 1 year..or can you?

L2: he's just a gigolo and everywhere he goes..people know the part he's playin'!

LW1: You sound like a big PITA yourself.

LW2: There is nothing you can do.

LW3: "What could I do that will be nice, but not require me to take out a loan?"
How bout just a nice dinner?

You don't have the means for "go big or go home".

LW1 is nuts.