Abby 2-9

DEAR ABBY: I was recently diagnosed as gluten intolerant. My question is, when dining at a restaurant, while everyone else is eating the bread that is served, is it acceptable to discreetly take a few gluten-free crackers from my purse and snack on them so I'm not starving while waiting for dinner?

My husband thought it was inappropriate, so I didn't take them. I did ask the waiter if he had gluten-free bread or crackers, but he didn't. I have many medical issues. I try to eat only what is healthy for me and thought providing my own crackers was a minor deal. What do you think, Abby?-- GLUTEN INTOLERANT IN FLORIDA

DEAR G.I.: It's good that you were diagnosed, because gluten intolerance can cause serious digestive issues. Your husband may have had a bad day when he criticized you, because I see nothing wrong with someone on a restricted diet taking emergency rations in case a restaurant can't accommodate his or her special needs.

Gluten intolerance has gone undiagnosed in many people, but in recent years food manufacturers have created many products that are safe for them to eat. Accommodating a customer who is gluten intolerant shouldn't be an insurmountable problem if the restaurant is asked in advance.

DEAR ABBY: I was standing in front of a restaurant with my mother-in-law and a group of relatives when she "felt up" my back and backside. We were facing the others when she put her hand around my back, first sideways and then all around until she got down to my rear end. It felt like she was searching for something, but the weather was warm and my blouse was very thin, so I couldn't have hidden anything. When she reached my behind, she pressed her thumb hard on my hipbone and rubbed in a circular motion.

I feel extremely violated because her hand should not be anywhere near that region. My husband says I misinterpreted what she did, but he has no explanation. I think her behavior was incestuous! When she visits, she also insists on sleeping in the master bedroom. Am I overreacting?-- VIOLATED IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR "VIOLATED": Unless your mother-in-law insists on sleeping between you and her son when she comes to visit, I do think you're overreacting. What she did was give you a back rub. In most families, a gesture like that is one of affection. Lighten up!

DEAR ABBY: I'm planning my son's bar mitzvah, and my ex-husband hasn't lifted a finger to help me. I received two small checks for his portion of the guests who will attend the reception.

My question is, should I put his name on the invitation? Or do I just put my name on it since I'm the one hosting and putting the party together? I want to do the right thing, but I also want it made clear that I did the planning myself.-- MITZVAH MAMA IN NEW YORK

DEAR MITZVAH MAMA: Be benevolent. For the sake of your child, include your ex-husband's name on the invitation. It isn't necessary to omit it so that you can get the credit. All you need to do is confide in one "yenta" that your son's father is a "schnorrer" and word will get around. Trust me.

LW1 got a reasonable answer.

I respectfully disagree on the answer to LW2. Distancing from anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable is usually a good idea and just her description of this MIL insisting on sleeping in the master bedroom sounds like grounds to have her sleep away from LW2's house.

LW3 got a really good answer. A low key whisper to a gossiper will get the word around....

L1: I think you should stop letting your husband be the boss of you.

L2: "When she visits, she also insists on sleeping in the master bedroom. " WTF? DON'T LET HER. Your husband is a pussy if he allows this against his wife's wishes. Treat her like a lecherous father-in-law.

Abby is WAY out of line with her answer.

L3: "I also want it made clear that I did the planning myself." Grow up. PUt your CHILD'S FATHER'S NAME on the damn invitation.

L2 I had to go back and make sure it was the MIL not the FIL. Abby’s answer was right though

L1: Bring the crackers

L2: Put her in the guest room next time and don't give in when she insists you switch with her. She'll be too ticked to be affectionate with you again.(I would be icked out as well, even if she didn't mean for it to be anything but a backrub)

L3: The Bar Mitzvah is about YOUR SON...not YOU. Put both names on the invitation and keep your vodka trap shut about who paid for what. Doing otherwise makes you look tacky and childish. OK, you are tacky and childish, but there's no need to make a point of it at your son's celebration.

1 Tell your husband if you cant eat your crackers, he cant eat any bread. Hey, you could also bring those crackers into the movie theater cause they dont have any ungluttony stuff either.

2 Are you hot?

3 oye vey! spare me the yiddish babble.

Google search: Popcorn is *usually* gluten-free.

1- Starving while waiting for dinner? Can't you go five minutes without shoving something into your yap hole?

2- The back rub is no big deal, but insisting on sleeping in the master bedroom is. DOES she sleep between you and your husband? Has she tried joining you in the shower? Does she watch you try on clothes?

3- Don't be such a Jew, include his name.

Are you really going to trust your health to the kid behind the counter? Or even the manager or owner? Bring you own snacks and dont worry about it.

RedheadwGlasses wrote:

Google search: Popcorn is *usually* gluten-free.

L2: Abby is wrong IMHO. The MIL may have done the so-call back rub innocently enough, but, the letter writer needs to set boundaries with her...like no touching without permission. I find the MIL's behavior a tad bizarre and somewhat controlling all in all.

L1: I don't see the problem. Did you bring like a giant Sam's Club box of crackers in your granny purse or something?

L2: Why the hell did you just stand there when she's feeling your ass? Set up your own boundaries.

L3: What itser said...

LW1:
1) Can we be a little less dramatic? If you skip the bread you'll be starving? Really?
2) Have a cracker. No one gives a shit except your tight ass husband.

LW2:
1) How bout you ask your mom wtf she's doing? Seems wierd to me. Additionally, you must have a strange relationship with her if instead of stopping her and asking wtf, you just endured it and accuse her of being incestuous. I can't imagine that thought ever popping into my head about my mother.
2) She insists on sleeping in the master bedroom? Who's f'n house is it? YOu've got way more mommy issues than you are letting on.

LW3: Attention whore worried about who gets credit. No one gives a shit. When you get a wedding invite, does it really matter to you if it says so and so invite you to their daughter's wedding or if the invitation is worded as being from the bride and groom? I sure as hell don't. Its an invitation to someone's wedding. That's all I care about.

Matilda77 wrote:

L2: Why the hell did you just stand there when she's feeling your ass? Set up your own boundaries.

Exactly! At the first TOUCH I'd be spinning around with a "What?"

L1: tell your husband to shut up and eat the f'ing crackers from home. You can't trust some 17 year old waitress to bring you non-gluten foods, nor should you expect them to.

L2: "get off me!" not so hard eh?

L3: what a byotch....bet that kid is majorly messed up.

Mister Tonka wrote:

LW1:
Its an invitation to someone's wedding. That's all I care about.

Well, that and whether they are having an open bar...but maybe that's just me.

LW1: Bring and eat the effing crackers and while you're doing it, make sure to look at your husband a lot, ya know, just to piss him off.

LW2: Is she a massage therapist? Because that move sounds like something they would know.

But any massages therapist should know to ask first if it's ok to touch you. Maybe she thought since you were family, she didn't need to. <mimi shrug> If you didn't like it, tell her, but stop with the overreacting - incestuous would only apply to your husband.

Oh, and give her the effing guest room next time.

LW3: Please remember what this ceremony is about. Your son is about to become a man in the eyes of his religion; please stop acting like a child and give your son a descent role model by being the better person.

itser wrote:

<quoted text>
Well, that and whether they are having an open bar...but maybe that's just me.

That too. I don't give a second thought to who's paying unless there's a cash bar and its me paying.

Mister Tonka wrote:

<quoted text>That too. I don't give a second thought to who's paying unless there's a cash bar and its me paying.

;-)

RedheadwGlasses wrote:

Google search: Popcorn is *usually* gluten-free.

regular popcorn, yes. but, without trying too hard, i've found there are a lot of additives/etc. that have gluten in them - mostly by the "gluten free!" labels catching me by surprise. If i were that sensitive to gluten, i don't know that i'd take a chance on movie theater popcorn.:-(

LW1: Your husband is wrong.

LW2: I don’t know what to make of that.
There is no way I’d be letting her stay in the master bedroom, however. You two sound like pushovers.

LW3: No need to ruffle feathers.