Amy 5-4

Dear Amy: My brother (we share a bedroom) stays up till 4 a.m. talking on Skype and using the computer when he is not supposed to.

This happens every night.

In the morning I always wake up exhausted and wanting a nap. My grades are tanking; I don't have any energy during the day; and I get yelled at a lot because of this.

The worst part is, when I tell my parents that he's up all night, they just say, "We've told him he can't do that" and insist that he is not up all night.

They disregard his misbehavior all the time, and then take away my computer for slipping grades.

How can I get my parents to believe me about my brother? I'd like my life back.

— Sleepless in Seattle

Dear Sleepless: First things first — your grades, your sleep, etc., are your responsibility.

I'm on your side here, but if your sleep is disrupted night after night, then you should try whatever remedies are available to deal with it. I'm talking about earplugs, night shades or sleeping on the couch.

Skype (the Internet calling service) keeps a tally of when calls were placed and the duration of the calls.

Your parents should verify this usage by checking the Skype program on your brother's computer.

As the mother of teens (and former teens) I know that the 24-hour lure of constant contact is simply too much for some people to handle responsibly (I include myself in this category).

People should "unplug" at night. For people who can't manage this, laptops and smartphones should be brought down to the kitchen at bedtime and they should stay there (in the freezer, if necessary) until morning.

Dear Amy: My mother-in-law is a fantastic baker. The best.

However, her idea of breakfast when we visit is muffins and juice.

My idea of breakfast is a pretty substantial cereal with muffins (or cinnamon rolls or scones or her other specialty of the day) as a side. There's no way I can eat just a pastry for breakfast and make it through the morning.

And not to put too fine a point on it, but I kind of rely on a high fiber cereal every morning.

Is it rude for me bring milk and cereal into their house for breakfast when we are visiting for a few days?

I feel as if I can get away with it now because I'm pregnant, but in the future don't know how to handle this.

— Expectant Daughter-in-law

Dear Expectant: You should give your mother-in-law the opportunity to beef up her breakfast offerings before bringing groceries into her home.

In advance of your next visit, say to her, "I'm on a breakfast routine and usually eat (name the brand) cereal. I absolutely love your baked goods, but would be OK if we also had some cereal in the morning? I'd be happy to bring it along with us when we come."

Good hosts (and she is definitely one) enjoy making their guests feel at home. Give her a chance to do this for you.

Dear Amy: I'm responding to the letter from "Wondering," expressing frustration over the lack of thanks for a memorial donation. You said that charities normally notify both parties of a memorial donation.

My son, a Marine helicopter pilot, died in February.

We received an acknowledgment letter from one of the organizations (but not the other) that we asked for donations for in lieu of flowers; there are more than 80 names on the list.

We do not recognize at least half of the names on that list. My son knew so many people and they have reached out to us in the kindest of ways.

The only way we have to thank them is a note on our website with thanks from an overflowing heart.

Our notes of thanks will eventually be written; until then we hope that our friends understand.

— Grieving Mother

Dear Grieving: Please accept my sympathy for your loss. People are capable of astounding and beautiful acts of generosity when their hearts are touched.

Other readers have also commented that not all charities notify people when a gift has been received.

1- You're stupid and you want to blame it all on your brother.

2- Oly krist, you're btching about your MIL's BREAKFAST?! Enjoy your muffin then go friggin hit a dunkin donuts.

An inconsiderate roommate is the worst. However, prepare with some background visuals or off screen gross noises so he takes his conversation to another computer.(Do not dance naked behind him though)

BYO Raisin Bran. A good baker wants to be a good hostess. Use your words. It is god practice in life. Ask her to make sunrise muffins. Cheesh, this is such a no brainer that I wonder if you are "blond"

L1: WAKE THEM UP. Get your clueless parents out of bed when your brother is on skype.

L2: There's this thing called opening your mouth and using your words. Or bringing your own cold cereal when you visit. Is either of those thing really so difficult to do?

L3: I would want a note of thanks only if writing it gave some comfort to the person writing it. Otherwise, please don't. I wouldn't want to be a burden to someone grieving.

LW1: "(in the freezer, if necessary) until morning."
Are you a flucking moron? Oh, I forgot who I was talking to.

Kid, if you got your own computer, I'm guessing you probably have a handheld device that takes video too. Start taking video of him and vide oof the clock to show how late it is. Don't depend on your parents to figure out how to check the skype log. Fill up a dossier on how he's f'n up[ your sleep. Go unplug the wireless router so he thinks the internet is down.

LW2: I will never understand all this tip toeing around people do. My mom has an idea of what I usually have in my house and since it does not include some stuff that she wants, she stops at the grocery stor right down the street before she gets here.

My mom said "I'm done having skim milk for you when you visit. You either hardly use any or don't use any at all, then I have to dump it." She said it like I was going ot argue with her. Um, okay. I was fine with her 2% but she'd always ask what food she should have on hand for my visits, and didn't take "oh, nothing" for an answer.

1 Serving of edogg and double helping of Tonka

2 Go out for breakfast or ask her to make bran muffins if you need fiber.

3 At least your ok with other males not serving in the military.

RedheadwGlasses wrote:

My mom said "I'm done having skim milk for you when you visit. You either hardly use any or don't use any at all, then I have to dump it." She said it like I was going ot argue with her. Um, okay. I was fine with her 2% but she'd always ask what food she should have on hand for my visits, and didn't take "oh, nothing" for an answer.

Hah! Skim milk is one of the things my mom brings with her.

L1: How does your brother manage to get thru his day after being up all nite? Take lessons.
L2: If you need fiber that bad, you must be full of it.

LW1: Just go unplug the computer. That’s what I would do if my brother did that. Then he’d try to beat my a$s for unplugging the computer. I’d also try to kick his a$s. All hell would break loose. Shit would get broke too. We didn't rely on our folks to solve our disputes. We just did it ourselves, and it was usually in my folks best interest to get involved.

Do that and your parents would have to be f’ing clueless not to come check to see what’s going on and why their house is getting f’d up, and then you can then tell them. If it doesn’t work, keep doing it.

LW2: You sound like a pain in the a$s.

LW3: I don’t know why people care so much about being thanked for doing something nice, especially in a situation where someone has died.

Sublime1 wrote:

LW1: Just go unplug the computer. That’s what I would do if my brother did that. Then he’d try to beat my a$s for unplugging the computer. I’d also try to kick his a$s. All hell would break loose. Shit would get broke too. We didn't rely on our folks to solve our disputes. We just did it ourselves, and it was usually in my folks best interest to get involved.
Do that and your parents would have to be f’ing clueless not to come check to see what’s going on and why their house is getting f’d up, and then you can then tell them. If it doesn’t work, keep doing it.
LW2: You sound like a pain in the a$s.
LW3: I don’t know why people care so much about being thanked for doing something nice, especially in a situation where someone has died.

"and it was usually in my folks best interest to get involved."

I laughed out loud!!!

L1: The sibling who's not doing anything wrong should go sleep on the couch? Really, Amy? Kid, do what everyone else said here instead.

L2: A bowl of cereal PLUS a pastry is the only thing that can get you through the morning? Dump some Metamucil into your juice and go on a diet. I'll bet $100 you're overweight.

j_m_w wrote:

L2: A bowl of cereal PLUS a pastry is the only thing that can get you through the morning? Dump some Metamucil into your juice and go on a diet. I'll bet $100 you're overweight.

Actually, that sounds like a pretty light breakfast to me. When she said she needed a substantial breakfast, I was expecting to hear she needs the equivalent of the Grand Slam.

RedheadwGlasses wrote:

<quoted text>
"and it was usually in my folks best interest to get involved."
I laughed out loud!!!

:)

My brothers and I fought like cats and dogs. I don't know anyone who fought like us growing up. I think that's why I've always been able to handle myself in a fight, because I had been doing it so long, and I wasn't really afraid of anyone, like I was of my brothers, who were almost 2 and 3 years older than me and way bigger than me, until I filled out (as a sophmore my brother S took on one of the toughest guys in our h.s. of 1200-1400 students, and almost threw him over the railing down a flight of stairs ... he was like a man amongst boys as a frosh).

I think at one point we had half the doors in our house broke. Then my parents got solid core doors. Even after that, we broke the door jam for the door to their master bedroom,(they had a lock on it that you couldn't use a tooth pick to open ... you needed a key ... so it was kind of safe, lmao) a couple of times.

It got to the point where we were getting bigger in our later teens that my mom couldn't even separate us anymore and she said, I'm just gonna let you guys be, because I don't want to get hurt.

Our friends would say, you don't want to fight them boys, you wanna watch them beat the sh1t out of each other.

We don't fight like that anymore, but in our teens, man, I tell ya.

LW1: Crawl into bed with your parents when you can't get sleep in your room. That will get them to do something. When my daughter is older, I am taking her electronics at night. She is only 9, but I already let her know that.

LW2: Get a backbone. You sound like a whiny PITA.

LW3: I don't think Thank Yous are necessary after a funeral. The family has ENOUGH to deal with already!

Mister Tonka wrote:

<quoted text>Actually, that sounds like a pretty light breakfast to me. When she said she needed a substantial breakfast, I was expecting to hear she needs the equivalent of the Grand Slam.

Yeah, okay... but I still don't think it's light.

j_m_w wrote:

<quoted text>
Yeah, okay... but I still don't think it's light.

There's no meat in it. That alone means its light as far as I'm concerned.

Chicago metro area funerals, both Jewish and all varieties of Christian funeral homes, all have a guest book to sign in with your name and adress. As part of teh gargantuan fees they they charge they provide thank you notes. All teh family has to do is sign the note and address teh envelope. I am not sure that the funeral home doesn't address teh envelopes actually.

Sometimes I send a condolence card. If I have made a donation, I will write that in teh card. St Judes sends me a card for me to send to teh dcedent's family ( then they send me endless address labels but that is another gripe).

I don't see the big deal

LW1: We have waaayyy better suggestions than Amy. Go figure.

LW2: Just ask her to make some bran muffins.

LW3: Do we need to send this rehash a thank you card? Perhaps it'll go away then.

1. Take a video of him using his computer at 4 a.m. Either he'll stop because you're recording him or you'll be able to show your parents proof he's doing what they told him not to. Now, I only suggest this because it seems pretty obvious that you;'re either much smaller than him or a total wuss and can't stand up for yourself.

2. Your husband can't say something?

3. Don't care.