Conceiving Support

Thanks, Rona, for highlighting our community and our experiences.

I am the author of Drama 2B Mama (our infertility and adoption stories)

I have hyperlinked the blogs mentioned here on my current-time blog: http://weebleswobblog.blogspot.com/2008/07/ba...

McNasty, did your parents name you that? Do ou think it might color the way you see the world?

Maybe if they'd called you "Compassion" instead you wouldn't have left such a Nasty remark.

If they're leaving it in God's hands to carry the pregnancy full-term, then why did they choose to have science intervene to get pregnant in the first place? Perhaps infertile couples should get a clue and take their infertility as a sign that they weren't meant to have biological babies. Then they could pour the same amount of time, money and effort into adopting a needy kid or animal.

These people are incredibly selfish.

I'm just in shock at the immaturity of these responses. On second thought, no I'm not. McNasty your post doesn't even deserve a response. As for the comment made by lindsaytyler, what's your thoughts on medicine in general? By your comment are you saying that those battling an illness shouldn't persue any medication? They should just let nature play it's course and deal with whatever happens? Perhaps they should accept that they weren't meant to live. Give me a break. Your post was incredibly uncalled for and uneducated.

Well, if a baby is going to solve all these people's woes then I feel bad for the kid and all the pressure that's already being put on it. Sometimes nature, God, whatever higher power you believe in is trying to tell us someting, and I think that something is that not all humans are meant to breed. The fact that we are now obsessing over getting preggers and blogging about every neurotic thought or medical procedure speaks volumes about how empty some folks lives really are. We are not on this planet just to procreate, and parenthood is not going to solve all these people's problems in life. It's kinda scary and sad.

I feel that the comments above are just a little rude, to tell someone who wants a child to just go and adopt another child or a PET and to not even try to have a child of there own? If she had cancer should she not take medical intervention because that is the hand she was dealt?
To Morrisa and Shawn and all the other persons in this article and having to deal with infertility, I commend you for your fight and I hope all works out for you.

Snook, maybe you should re-read the article. Where in the article did it say that these people expect that having a baby will solve all of their woes or problems in life? Oh, that's right, it didn't actually say that.

The article was actually about people struggling with infertility and how they are using blogs and other online forums as a kind of therapeutic way to express their personal feelings, connect with others in similar situations, find support, do research, etc.

A direct quote from the article says:
"Sometimes it's venting but often times, the blog is positive. It's reminding myself that I may not have a child, and it's been five years. But I have a house. I have a great husband who supports me through this."

That doesn't sound like a person who is "neurotic," "obsessing," and has an "empty" life, as you put it.

And they don't need you to "feel bad" for their children that they will eventually, hopefully have. So save your sympathy. Their children will be loved and cherished. And no God or higher power would suggest that they weren't meant to be here just because their parents used alternative methods to conceive them.

Your comments had absolutely no basis.

As someone who struggled with infertility myself, I find great joy in stories such as this. I congratulate all these couples for going after their dream and making it happen. Speaking from experience, when you have to work so hard to have a baby, it makes the whole pregnancy and parenthood experience even more precious.

Kudos to you ladies! I lucked out with our first baby, but you never know when fertility problems may arise and it's great to know that there are forums where women and men can go to talk about the real everyday issues surrounding infertility and find support from others dealing with the same issues.

I understand these people's desire to have their own children - to a point. Why is having your own biological child so important? There are plenty of kids in the world, in Baltimore in particular, who need homes and need to be loved. Why not consider adopting these lovable children? Why spend thousands of dollars on procedures that have marginal success rates? I know folks are going to say I'm heartless and insensitive but this practice is just plain selfish and wasteful.

Amy wrote:

I understand these people's desire to have their own children - to a point. Why is having your own biological child so important? There are plenty of kids in the world, in Baltimore in particular, who need homes and need to be loved. Why not consider adopting these lovable children? Why spend thousands of dollars on procedures that have marginal success rates? I know folks are going to say I'm heartless and insensitive but this practice is just plain selfish and wasteful.

I wouldn't say your heartless until you added the selfish and wasteful. That was heartless. Having gone through this myself I can add that yes there are a lot of children who are out there to be adopted, but there is also a lot that goes into adoption. It's not all that simple. You can't just say alright I can't have kids so I'll just adopt. It's a lengthy process and strict criteria. Also many people who go through infertility whether they are successful or not do adopt. It is more expensive to adopt in most cases than to proceed with treatments.

How do you feel good about yourself when you make hateful comments? Anyone who has allowed an article to be written about them knows that it is an experience that makes you vulnerable. Yet, we all learn from their generosity in doing so. The right response to this is not a hateful attack, whatever your opinions. What ever happened to respectful conversation? If you wouldn't say something in such language to your best friend or sister or someone else you loved, you shouldn't say it to a stranger. For shame.

I work in a fertility center and I meet many people everyday who are dealing with infertility. I can tell you that none of them are selfish. Many of them have already adopted. The women who undergo treatment have to get blood and ultrasounds almost everyday. Most of them consider themselves "pin cushions". They also have to inject themselves with some of the longest needles I've ever seen. With all the money, emotional and physical pain that patients have to put themselves through, only an idiot would call them selfish. In response to the person who said that infertile people should take that as a sign from God - Do you think that all the crackhead prostitutes that end up beating their biological kids were given the "ok" from God?? Or what about the women who choose to get drunk while pregnant and end up with a child with fetal alcohol syndrome?? Just curious...

What really annoys me is that I don't see anyone telling fertile people to stop being so selfish about having biological kids and to go adopt children. Somehow, being able to have kids without a problem means you aren't selfish for not adopting. But if you're infertile and you choose fertility treatments instead of adoption well, you're just selfish. Double standard much?

Actually Think from Middletown, DE, I'm not being hypocritical. I'd argue that fertile people are being just as selfish. Visit group homes in Baltimore where wonderful kids without parents live. Check out foster situations. Get to know the amazing kids in Baltimore (most of whom are black) who need loving parents. Seeing kids like that who grow up without families is what makes me say even fertile parents are being a little selfish.

Amy wrote:

Actually Think from Middletown, DE, I'm not being hypocritical. I'd argue that fertile people are being just as selfish. Visit group homes in Baltimore where wonderful kids without parents live. Check out foster situations. Get to know the amazing kids in Baltimore (most of whom are black) who need loving parents. Seeing kids like that who grow up without families is what makes me say even fertile parents are being a little selfish.

Amy - what is your point in saying "(most of whom are black)"? Are you saying black people are more selfish than white people? Just wondering how this comment helps your argument?

guess wrote:

<quoted text>
Amy - what is your point in saying "(most of whom are black)"? Are you saying black people are more selfish than white people? Just wondering how this comment helps your argument?

I'm not at all saying that black people are more selfish than white people. It's just that I know a lot of white people who don't consider adopting black kids as an option. I think this is unfortunate. I work with kids who need good homes and it makes me sad that there are a lot of good people out there who will make excellent parents who go through the ordeal of IVF to have a biological child when there are so many kids who need loving homes.

WOW! Some of you really need to get a life. This is an inspiring story. As, stated earlier, sometimes adoption is harder than trying to have your own. BRAVO! For sharing your pain and now joy.

Snook wrote:

We are not on this planet just to procreate, and parenthood is not going to solve all these people's problems in life. It's kinda scary and sad.

Uhhh yea we pretty much are...That stuff down there isnt just for your satisfaction...although given the ugliness of your reply maybe thats the only happiness you can find

Amy wrote:

Actually Seeing kids like that who grow up without families is what makes me say even fertile parents are being a little selfish.

I am a adoptive mom. I chose to adopt a newborn because I admittedly selfishly wanted that experience...but I feel no shame in that.

I am curious how many adopted children do you have?