Married men lose interest in their wives -Why ?

Well Educated Black Man wrote:

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Absolutely right on target. But some men are more intrigued by women they think they cant get. For me, that is the "quiet one". I prefer conservative, old fashioned women who EXPECT to be treated like a woman. That means all of the courtesies, opening of doors and offering of seats, having the money to show her a good time, and MOSTLY having yourself together. I think more black women should raise the bar above the thuggy "bad boy" brothas who will hit it and forget it. Sadly, old fashioned brothas get passed up for Lil 4Tray because he knows the cousin of a friend who knows the gardener of Mary Blige. That is not a foundation to build a future on. Thanks for the message!

Your welcome.I personally have never me an old fashioned brotha.But I bet a lot of women who want bad guy/thugs run into them and pass them up.I met one half blk half itallian in utica that chased after me for three yars, and despite his handosmeness for some reason it just wasnt happening.He was very immature.maybe thats what was wrong.I didnt understand why I didnt like him.

Sadbutrue wrote:

I dont know you feel that BM are "God's Gift". If you havent read, 60% of Black men are unmarried and many "not desired".
Due to the "Rift" between Black men and women, Black women have "uped their standards" and are not settling for a Brother who doesnt have himself together.
Black men's unloyality have left many Sisters to say "let me open up my options to the best person", not just a Black man.
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I don't have any problem whatsoever with the idea that black women seeking out happiness with other ethnic group men...However if all black women adopt the same attitude, soon there will be no black women to speak of to be bothered with any thought of black women crossing over - as there numbers decrease. And black women who fall prey to the notion that black men are somehow holding them back, truly ought to look in the mirror and see who is really responsible for their ill guided decisions!!

Anna wrote:

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God permitted a man to have more than one wife in the OT, but when Jesus came, he stated that every man should have his own wife (not wives) and every woman should have her own husband (not a kick on the side). People normally take the portion of the Bible that is relevent to proving their point while dismissing the other sections. If you don't believe in one part of the Bible, but you believe in the other, then you don't believe in God - it's that simple. And as far as human nature - who do you think created it? God did - he is the only one who really knows how the human body and soul works, which is why he left specifc instructions for us to follow - one being that every man should have ONE woman - his wife, not a girlfriend, not a "bust it baby" , but a wife. And until people learn to follow the rules God has set forth in the universe, the divorce rate will continue to be high, and disseases will be more rampant than ever before.

Hello. Do you mean I can't have a man on the side and still be married? That is unfair! LOL

God designed marriage, men preform the ritual. I dont believe in ordain reglion either but I do believe in Gods Word.

You dont have a "Spiritual base" and we are "Body, Soul and Spirit".

I maybe why your relationships dont last because your very "Secular" and cater to your "Lusts" like alot of Brothers and your issued your "Just do" for them.

Well Educated Black Man wrote:

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Man designed marriage. God has nothing to do with rituals performed by a church which declare a covenant. Man wrote the Bible, and when a couple gets married, they do so before a MAN, not God. I have a strong belief in God, but not in organized religion.

latinqueen wrote:

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well ur rite but i still lookd as good as i did when we first hookd up. i meen i waz 19 when i had my son an my man waz 20. but when my son waz only 2 months old my man saw this gurl on da street an started talkin to her. then i found out he cheeted with her an the next thing i know he moves out an goes to live with her. it waz bad too becuz i lost the respect of my homegurls cause they all knew that another woman took my man from me. but ever since then i dont get too close to no man. i meen i just use them when i need sex or to go out to a party but i will never let any man do that to me again. u mite think im wrong to feel like that but thats the way it is. a man aint got but one thing he wants from a woman an i just decided to be the same way u know what im sayin?

I feel you girl but you can't let that dictate your actions, it never works when women say that we are goona do it like them (the men) cause it always backfires. Thats shyte hurts like hell but never forget what it feels like to fall in love, that's shyte like a drug remember, feels great. I know it's hard but you gotta let it go. You just have to keep looking untill you find one but don't close off yourself to something righteous because you weren't even studdin it. I can't be all going on with the advice 'cuzz I gots my own issues but just hittin you up ne way.

Ive heard some Black women say, Black men are holding Black women back and and getting angry at them, which is wrong.

Black women are simply reacting to Black men's "ill guided actions". She has every right being upset at Black males for not being Fathers, Husbands, protectors, providers and supporters. Unfortunately, since its doled out often, Black women dont trust Black males.

What I do find funny is Black men's refusal to accept any responsibility for their "Poor personal choices" or abusive, irresponsible, self centered actions and behaviors.

I will say that Black women need to stop "allowing and rewarding" bad behaviors in Brothers by sticking with them, only to get bitter because of the actions they allowed! So in that respect your correct!

They need to make "Better choices" instead of having "Bitter remorse",thinking they can "change a Brother" when in most cases, hes a product of his environment.

For me, I decided to leave Brothers alone, I kept meeting Black men who were players, deceitful and most wanted "immoral lifestyles-swinging or multiple partners"and a Sister who would allow them to "engage in their lusts".

Becasue so many Brothers are this way, I opened up my options to white males and met someone with the same values. He has character, integrity and morals.

For other Black women Ive talked to they decided to leave Brothers alone. They occasionally date but dont get involved, many are either "not attracted to overweight unattractive brothers, they have too many liabiliites to take on, or just plain Ghetto and unpolished, no chemistry...uneducated..the list goes on.

Things wouldn't be so bad if Black men were "more honest and responsible", this is a major complaint. I found White men/others to be more honest and mature.

I think that Black males "hide and hedge" alot because they are "ill prepared" . If more were honest instead of playing games or trying to Play women, Black relationships wouldn't be in the state that they are in.

Life is short, too short to deal with "Games or any time of abuse".

N2blaque wrote:

<quoted text>I don't have any problem whatsoever with the idea that black women seeking out happiness with other ethnic group men...However if all black women adopt the same attitude, soon there will be no black women to speak of to be bothered with any thought of black women crossing over - as there numbers decrease. And black women who fall prey to the notion that black men are somehow holding them back, truly ought to look in the mirror and see who is really responsible for their ill guided decisions!!

Sadbuttrue wrote:

God designed marriage, men preform the ritual. I dont believe in ordain reglion either but I do believe in Gods Word.
You dont have a "Spiritual base" and we are "Body, Soul and Spirit".
I maybe why your relationships dont last because your very "Secular" and cater to your "Lusts" like alot of Brothers and your issued your "Just do" for them.
<quoted text>

No no no. I have a VERY spiritual base. I have a DIRECT relationship with God, and I don't need any book of rules or to go to a club and pay admission in a plate to be with God. I have read most of the "holy books" cover to cover looking for understanding, and now I have it.

I never said that I personally sleep around or that my relationships dont last (they do). I was addressing the title of this thread which is:

"Married men lose interest in their wives -Why ?"

Its biological. It has nothing to do with religion or lack of morality. Its human nature. Its marriage which is unnatural. If God had wanted Man to be monogamous, he would have made us that way. He didnt.

Lady Chef wrote:

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I feel you girl but you can't let that dictate your actions, it never works when women say that we are goona do it like them (the men) cause it always backfires. Thats shyte hurts like hell but never forget what it feels like to fall in love, that's shyte like a drug remember, feels great. I know it's hard but you gotta let it go. You just have to keep looking untill you find one but don't close off yourself to something righteous because you weren't even studdin it. I can't be all going on with the advice 'cuzz I gots my own issues but just hittin you up ne way.

dats koo lady chef i respect what ur sayin. u said u got ur own issues. did ur man cheet on u too?

Sadbuttrue wrote:

Ive heard some Black women say, Black men are holding Black women back and and getting angry at them, which is wrong.
Black women are simply reacting to Black men's "ill guided actions". She has every right being upset at Black males for not being Fathers, Husbands, protectors, providers and supporters. Unfortunately, since its doled out often, Black women dont trust Black males.
What I do find funny is Black men's refusal to accept any responsibility for their "Poor personal choices" or abusive, irresponsible, self centered actions and behaviors.
I will say that Black women need to stop "allowing and rewarding" bad behaviors in Brothers by sticking with them, only to get bitter because of the actions they allowed! So in that respect your correct!
They need to make "Better choices" instead of having "Bitter remorse",thinking they can "change a Brother" when in most cases, hes a product of his environment.
For me, I decided to leave Brothers alone, I kept meeting Black men who were players, deceitful and most wanted "immoral lifestyles-swinging or multiple partners"and a Sister who would allow them to "engage in their lusts".
Becasue so many Brothers are this way, I opened up my options to white males and met someone with the same values. He has character, integrity and morals.
For other Black women Ive talked to they decided to leave Brothers alone. They occasionally date but dont get involved, many are either "not attracted to overweight unattractive brothers, they have too many liabiliites to take on, or just plain Ghetto and unpolished, no chemistry...uneducated..the list goes on.
Things wouldn't be so bad if Black men were "more honest and responsible", this is a major complaint. I found White men/others to be more honest and mature.
I think that Black males "hide and hedge" alot because they are "ill prepared" . If more were honest instead of playing games or trying to Play women, Black relationships wouldn't be in the state that they are in.
Life is short, too short to deal with "Games or any time of abuse".
<quoted text>

Let me ask you something woman: DO YOU SEE THE WORD "THERAPIST" INCLUDED ANYWHERE IN MY USERNAME - WELL, DO YOU!!??!!

N2blaque wrote:

<quoted text>Let me ask you something woman: DO YOU SEE THE WORD "THERAPIST" INCLUDED ANYWHERE IN MY USERNAME - WELL, DO YOU!!??!!

ROTFLMAO. I see you've meet Patty (aka Can Ee Talk among other names/personalities)...

latinqueen wrote:

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dats koo lady chef i respect what ur sayin. u said u got ur own issues. did ur man cheet on u too?

no uh-uh girl, my man cheat on me, did you not hear me talking earlier about kegel exercies...he aint going no where...just kidding :-) but seriously not my current digs but I mean other issues even dealing like with my own infidelity or should I say "ponderment" of the "possibility" of the "eventuality" of what could one day happen. It's just that I think that some of my reservations and my subconcious thoughts of "im going to leave this fool alone and feeling like trash when I get done...type of attidtued might have bled it's way into my current digs.

My husbands always telling me that I go way too hard on him and he feels like if he bounced suddenly one day that wouldn't even break stride. That's kind of ill take have your significant other think that but then I am just so geared towards my "play them fo they play me" mindset that I can't let it go, even now some years later and he is a good guy, for the most part. Who wants to be looking stupid later on single like damn had one...let him go. Im not even gonna start talking about all these stds, stalkers, molesters and what nots running around. A gal would need to find one check his ass out and keep him close.

Oh yea about that fool when you were 19. I think sometimes at that age you haven't even become of full fledged woman yet. Thats that problem these days, girls think they are women cause they got some hips and breast sprouting or they had a baby early and now they are like Oh Im a woman now. But womanhood is not just about your body it's also about your mind. You were young, you had just had a kid, you stil had a lot of growing up to do. You hadn't even come close to mastering the "7" principles of man training yet (lol) what ever they might be. Id chalk that up to living and learning as Im sure you have already done. And like someone else said sometimes they just want new kitty, better he left than brought you back fleas.
I know this is long winded but Im feeling chatty.

insert : that I

butterflye25 wrote:

<quoted text>
Your welcome.I personally have never me an old fashioned brotha.But I bet a lot of women who want bad guy/thugs run into them and pass them up.I met one half blk half itallian in utica that chased after me for three yars, and despite his handosmeness for some reason it just wasnt happening.He was very immature.maybe thats what was wrong.I didnt understand why I didnt like him.

Lady Butterflye, you hit the nail on the head here!! It ain't about the image, the coolness, the badboy stance, it ain't even about race and belive me, from a Whiteboy OG pushing 50 with MAD street Respect---its all about maturity!!! Boys are boys and Men are Men and never the twain shall meet...Unfortunately, the vast majority of younger males (under 35) are pure sheep, adhering to various media-inspired roles and stereotypes in the attempt to be "down" "cool" "fly" or whatever the current descriptive adjective is nowadays...

A MAN follows his conscience...As the author Louis L'Amour said in his novel "The Walking Drum"--

"Strongest is he who stands alone, even in the presence of his enemies..."

We as a species (Human beings, Homo Sapiens, f**k color or race, we ALL bleed red) have to address this, each one teach one, that we HACE to put intellect over emotion, to think with the BIG head and not the little one etc.

God Bless you Sister...

I respect your decision but I dont see it that way. Yes, its biologoical but its mostly.

Well Educated Black Man wrote:

<quoted text>
No no no. I have a VERY spiritual base. I have a DIRECT relationship with God, and I don't need any book of rules or to go to a club and pay admission in a plate to be with God. I have read most of the "holy books" cover to cover looking for understanding, and now I have it.
I never said that I personally sleep around or that my relationships dont last (they do). I was addressing the title of this thread which is:
"Married men lose interest in their wives -Why ?"
Its biological. It has nothing to do with religion or lack of morality. Its human nature. Its marriage which is unnatural. If God had wanted Man to be monogamous, he would have made us that way. He didnt.

If you can't hold a civil conversation than don't post or read my replay.

N2blaque wrote:

<quoted text>Let me ask you something woman: DO YOU SEE THE WORD "THERAPIST" INCLUDED ANYWHERE IN MY USERNAME - WELL, DO YOU!!??!!

Holy shit.. sad but true still post here? lol

I gotta give it to her for never backing down on an e-fight LOL.

Judge Orders Whites Out Of Atlanta Court

ATLANTA -- Judge Marvin Arrington insists he's not a racist; despite ordering white lawyers out of his courtroom on Thursday.

The Fulton County Superior Court judge said he was just fed up seeing a parade of young black defendants in his courtroom.

"I came out and saw the defendants, about 99.9 percent Afro-Americans males and some point time I excused some of the lawyers, most of them white, and said to the young people in here 'What in the world are you doing with your lives,'" he told WSB-TV Channel 2 reporter JaQuitta Williams.

Arrington said he thought his message might have more power if it was delivered to a blacks-only audience.

"I didn't think about racism or reverse racism, I practiced law for 30 years and 75 percent of my partners were white," he explained.

The judge said the majority of people who appear before him accused of crimes such as murder, rape and robbery are black men and he wanted to do something about it, one on one.

"I didn't want them to think I was talking down to them; trying to embarrass them or insult them; be derogatory towards them and I was just saying 'Please get yourself together,'" he said.

Arrington added that he may make a similar speech next week, but this time he'll allow everyone to hear it.

Copyright 2008 by WSBTV.com . All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed

N2blaque wrote:

<quoted text>Let me ask you something woman: DO YOU SEE THE WORD "THERAPIST" INCLUDED ANYWHERE IN MY USERNAME - WELL, DO YOU!!??!!

New Searing Non-Fiction Sets Forth a Blistering Indictment and a Call for the Liberation of Black Women

Richmond, VA, March 27, 2008 --(PR.com)-- Black Women Deserve Better is a rallying cry to Black women everywhere who are simply fed up with the status quo of today’s Black men—“men-children” who engage in disrespectful, irresponsible behavior, treating Black women as if they are worthless while also taking advantage of them. As author CW points out, Black women are caught in a no-win situation, damned if they accept a subservient role and damned if they appear too independent or strong.

A large part of the blame, CW says, goes to the “Black Community machine,” that engenders feelings of guilt through its perpetuation of the Black man’s plight as being one that the Black woman can directly affect through her behavior. They say, CW illustrates,“Don’t give that man a hard time!”(when he’s performing below standard); or ‘Chile, the Black man goes through enough living in this country. We don’t need to add to his stress’; or ‘Now don’t go making a big thing out of this’—being conned, cheated, raped, beaten, spit upon, whatever, by a damaged Black man—“there are enough brothers in jail already…” CW also examines how the Black Community machine remains offensively silent when it comes to the violence that is perpetrated against Black women by damaged Black men.

In an age where almost every rap and hip-hop song denigrates the beauty of Black women, this book serves as a wake-up call. Remember the movie Network, in which a newsman, disillusioned with exploitation and the sacrifice of integrity, rages against the existing state of things with this now famous line,“I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more!” Black Women Deserve Better is a plea to all Black women, that no matter their educational or socioeconomic status, it is time for them to stand up and say,“We’re not going to take it anymore!” As author CW states,“Black women are abused, objectified, and marginalized daily.” Her book shows how Black women are devalued, and how Black men, no matter their age, engage in disingenuous behavior toward them.

CW:“During my short thirty-one years on this planet, I have witnessed and experienced the rapid deterioration of Black man/Black woman relationships. It is disheartening to see Black women from all walks of life go though an earthly hell. From the college-educated entrepreneur to the single mother or the young woman coming into her own, we all share one common denominator: Interpersonal relationships with Black men are the pits! There, I said it aloud!”

Black Women Deserve Better courageously points out that’s it’s not wrong to desire marriage, or to have expectations in a relationship, and that it’s more than okay to want to be with a man who will take responsibility for his actions, who will care for his family, and who is not only interested in fulfilling his own sexual desires. A little over a year ago, she says, she began expanding her dating options to include men of all races.

“Black men are continually being taught to disrespect, dishonor, and disregard the Black woman. The ugly, heartbreaking results manifest themselves with the “baby mama” epidemic, video vixen mentality, enabling denial, and other self-defeating behaviors. Yes, the Black man has a lot of work to do; however, Black woman can only control her own responses and actions.“Black Women Deserve Better” reveals the mind control and deceptions used by our own people to keep Sisters in their place. Resolve not only to want change, but also to be the change. Our daughters are counting on us!”

Rapper DMX arrested for drugs, animal cruelty
By BOB CHRISTIE
Associated Press Writer

PHOENIX — DMX was arrested on drug and animal-cruelty charges following an overnight raid on the rapper's house Friday, authorities said. The 37-year-old rapper, whose given name is Earl Simmons, initially tried to barricade himself in his bedroom but emerged when a SWAT team entered his north Phoenix home during the 3 a.m. raid, sheriff's spokesman Capt. Paul Chagolla said.

The arrest and search warrants stemmed from indictments for felony drug possession and misdemeanor animal cruelty charges. He made an initial court appearance Friday where bail was sent at $7,500, said his local attorney, Cameron Morgan. Morgan said he expected bail to be posted quickly.

During Friday's raid, officials said more drugs were found and weapons seized and additional charges were possible.

Simmons' New York lawyer, Murray Richman, said he told his client to expect such a raid after his efforts to make DMX available to law enforcement were rebuffed.

"I anticipated it, I explained to my client what was going to happen," Richman said. He said he believed evidence did not support the charges of animal cruelty, which has been a major focus of Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

"I think that the animal cruelty is not going to be able to be established," Richman said, "and I think that this is Sheriff Joe's moment."

A statement from Arpaio said someone of DMX means "has no excuse for not providing proper care for his animals."

Sheriff's deputies made a series of visits to the rapper's home in August after receiving reports of neglected pit bulls. They found a caretaker who had been hired to look after the animals.

Richman said DMX was not in Arizona in the weeks leading up to the initial raid.

The rapper has had previous run-ins with the law, including an arrest Tuesday by the Arizona Department of Public Safety after speed-enforcement cameras captured him going 114 mph on a suburban Phoenix freeway.

In June 2006, Scottsdale police cited him for carrying a concealed handgun outside a nightclub.

He also served 70 days in jail in 2005 for violating his parole following a 2004 incident in which he posed as an undercover federal agent and crashed his sport utility vehicle through a security gate at Kennedy International Airport.

DMX recorded the 1999 hit single "Party Up (Up in Here)." His last album, "Year of the Dog ... Again," was released last year.

Hip-hop error: Youth play role to be 'gangsta'
By Cynthia Tucker,The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 05/04/08

The world of thug culture has its own perverse equivalent, in which middle-class men with minor legal transgressions exaggerate their bad behavior, claiming to be hard-core degenerates to impress youngsters looking for outlaw role models. In this destructive environment, the more violent and predatory you are, the more heroic you seem.

That helps to explain why a metro Atlanta hip-hop star known as Akon wove a tall tale of malevolence and criminality, claiming to have spent three years in prison for running a "notorious car theft operation," a story he's been telling for years. In fact, he has apparently never served hard prison time. The Smoking Gun Web site recently exposed Akon as a thug wannabe, a "James Frey with ... an American Music Award."
American popular culture has always had a tendency to romanticize hoodlums.But the hip-hop world's celebration of savage violence, educational failure and misogyny has been one of the worst influences on American youth, especially black youth, in decades. If you want to ruin a nation, a society or an ethnic group, persuade its members that the highest form of achievement is committing crimes.

Even before the 1980s, when gangsta rap oozed out of downtrodden black neighborhoods, too many black men were marginalized —- unlettered, unemployed, imprisoned. They were already the victims of a fratricidal cycle of violence. They were already disproportionately fathers in absentia, divorced from the lives of their children, providing neither material support nor moral guidance.
Indeed, the baggy britches that are now de rigueur in hip-hop circles grew out of jail rituals. When men are arrested, their belts are confiscated, so their trousers tend to droop. It's from that unfortunate facet of ghetto life that the ubiquitous sagging pants were launched.

Proponents of hard-core hip-hop claim that it is an artistic genre that merely reflects those unfortunate realities of underclass black life; they tout it as a pure form of folk art (in its original meaning, arising from the folk or common people). Countless books and dissertations have disseminated that view.

But folk art has never been so popular —- or lucrative.
The worst of gangsta rap has not merely reflected behavior but has also inspired it, much of it lawless and destructive. Its lyrics are paeans to murder and mayhem. It celebrates an outlaw culture that disrespects women, mocks middle-class values and preaches against any cooperation with police in catching criminals.

That's why Akon, whose real name is Aliaune Thiam, made up a criminal history, claiming that he was a carjacker who owned chop shops but was finally brought down because jealous underlings ratted him out. You gain respect in thug culture —- and millions of dollars in record and ring tone sales —- only if you're a bona fide thug.

In fact, Akon's longest stint behind bars seems to have been five months in the DeKalb County jail on a stolen car charge that was later dropped, according to Smoking Gun. The son of Senegalese jazz percussionist Mor Thiam, he grew up in a middle-class home, spending time in Senegal and New Jersey before moving to an Atlanta suburb.

If black men such as Thiam enthusiastically abandon a passable reputation for the notoriety of a prison record, then black America is in serious trouble. If it is better to be an outlaw than to be a teacher or a chemist or an accountant, then young black men will continue to go to prison in record numbers. If it is more acceptable to be violent and reckless than to be a responsible father and husband, then marriage will continue to decline in black communities.

While racism remains a potent force in American life, it doesn't hold the malignant power of gangsta culture. The upside-down value system represented by Akon's fabrications is helping to destroy a generation.