Should I lower my standards in order to be with a black woman?

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Level 1

Since: Sep 11

Washington, DC

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#1
Nov 16, 2011
 

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First off I love black women. And I will be the first to say that I can get whatever woman I desire but I prefer black women and think they are the most attractive (for me) because they have so much variety (skin complexion and ethnic groups). HOWEVER, I moved from California to DC a few years ago and I've had and still have culture shock when it comes to the sisters here. Every negative stereotype I laughed about on the west coast is TRUE LIFE here in DC. I'm having a hard time meeting a decent black woman here. I'll explain what I mean by decent. I like black women who:
1. Don't wear weave.
2. Can cook.
3. Are fit.
4. Kind and/or sweet girls (givers).
Are these standards TOO HIGH? In DC, every other person is educated, with a job (you have to have one to live there), but I'm having a hard time meeting a black woman here with these four MINIMAL standards.
Should I keep ignoring the other 99% of non-black women who meet this pathetically, minimal standard? Or should I give up my standards so I can date the typical weave wearing, non-cooking, overweight, pissed off black women I keep meeting here.
AGAIN, I LOVE BLACK WOMEN AND I WANT TO START UP A REAL CONVERSATION. I've seriously contemplated traveling overseas (Caribbean, Central and South America) to date black women because I'm so close being on the East Coast.
I miss Cali.....
babibbidy

Elgin, IL

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#2
Nov 16, 2011
 
Standards WAY TOO HIGH!

“DA BEAR TELLED ME I'AM FAT”

Level 5

Since: May 11

ATLANTA, GA.

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#3
Nov 16, 2011
 
I'am only guessing here, but I think your standards are well above the 4 you stated, if so be truthful with yourself first and only the other stuff will into place.

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#4
Nov 16, 2011
 
babibbidy wrote:
Standards WAY TOO HIGH!
That's what I figured....:/

“Pick ya poison, Ya Bish!”

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#5
Nov 16, 2011
 
You shouldn't lower your standards when it come to any women.I have the say one thing the East Coast is the best coast.... when it comes to finding a black counterpart especially in Nyc . Honestly i feel people often miss out on the one because they want a person that fit all their standards. In reality no one is going to fit all of them for example a woman can be kind and sweet but wear wears.

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#6
Nov 16, 2011
 
sharper wrote:
I'am only guessing here, but I think your standards are well above the 4 you stated, if so be truthful with yourself first and only the other stuff will into place.
You guessed and you guessed wrong. These are my minimal standards. And I was hoping for some real advice and not terrible guesses....thanks anyway though.

“Want to touch my fro?”

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Since: Nov 07

Small town, Ohio

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#7
Nov 16, 2011
 

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If you really are not just looking for an excuse to go interracial, then you need to compromise. If the woman has a good head on her shoulders and doesn't wear weave, but could lose 20 pounds, she shouldn't be automatically excluded. If she's willing to work out and use a cookbook, she could still be an ideal partner. Most things that we, as black people, use to exclude each other from relationships is just surface stuff that we seem perfectly willing to accept in others. It's no different than a black woman refusing to date black men, but hooking up with one white loser after another or refusing to date someone who doesn't have the right "swag".

“DA BEAR TELLED ME I'AM FAT”

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Since: May 11

ATLANTA, GA.

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#8
Nov 16, 2011
 
dcblackman wrote:
<quoted text>
You guessed and you guessed wrong. These are my minimal standards. And I was hoping for some real advice and not terrible guesses....thanks anyway though.
That's why they call it a guess, and your welcome.

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#9
Nov 16, 2011
 
BlackReign wrote:
You shouldn't lower your standards when it come to any women.I have the say one thing the East Coast is the best coast.... when it comes to finding a black counterpart especially in Nyc . Honestly i feel people often miss out on the one because they want a person that fit all their standards. In reality no one is going to fit all of them for example a woman can be kind and sweet but wear wears.
My "no weave" rule is kind of a new rule I added after my last girlfriend here in DC. She would complain about her weave and tell me that she wanted to go "natural." I told her to go for it!! Who cares about hair anyway right? Just be happy I told her. Anyways, she wouldn't lose the weave because she explained that her mother never taught her how to do her hair. I asked her if she wanted to learn how to manage her hair and she was too lazy to learn. Too lazy to remove the weave because it was easy and too lazy to learn how to do her hair because it would be too hard. After our relationship ended after 2 years, I decided that I wanted a woman who could teach our future daughters and nieces how to do their own natural hair. It's a shame that this is considered a high standard....

“DA BEAR TELLED ME I'AM FAT”

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ATLANTA, GA.

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#10
Nov 16, 2011
 
Ransgrl wrote:
If you really are not just looking for an excuse to go interracial, then you need to compromise. If the woman has a good head on her shoulders and doesn't wear weave, but could lose 20 pounds, she shouldn't be automatically excluded. If she's willing to work out and use a cookbook, she could still be an ideal partner. Most things that we, as black people, use to exclude each other from relationships is just surface stuff that we seem perfectly willing to accept in others. It's no different than a black woman refusing to date black men, but hooking up with one white loser after another or refusing to date someone who doesn't have the right "swag".
Guess you've been dumped by a few white guys in your time Huh?

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#11
Nov 16, 2011
 
Ransgrl wrote:
If you really are not just looking for an excuse to go interracial, then you need to compromise. If the woman has a good head on her shoulders and doesn't wear weave, but could lose 20 pounds, she shouldn't be automatically excluded. If she's willing to work out and use a cookbook, she could still be an ideal partner. Most things that we, as black people, use to exclude each other from relationships is just surface stuff that we seem perfectly willing to accept in others. It's no different than a black woman refusing to date black men, but hooking up with one white loser after another or refusing to date someone who doesn't have the right "swag".
Thank you for the comment but your analogy is a little off. I'm not refusing to date black women so I can date other types of women. The opposite actually. I'm going out of my way!!! I've done a lot of traveling in my life and lived in great places to meet black women and DC isn't one of them.

“Want to touch my fro?”

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Small town, Ohio

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#12
Nov 16, 2011
 
sharper wrote:
<quoted text>Guess you've been dumped by a few white guys in your time Huh?
Never have and never will date a white man. Bad guess again.

“Pick ya poison, Ya Bish!”

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#13
Nov 16, 2011
 
dcblackman wrote:
<quoted text>
My "no weave" rule is kind of a new rule I added after my last girlfriend here in DC. She would complain about her weave and tell me that she wanted to go "natural." I told her to go for it!! Who cares about hair anyway right? Just be happy I told her. Anyways, she wouldn't lose the weave because she explained that her mother never taught her how to do her hair. I asked her if she wanted to learn how to manage her hair and she was too lazy to learn. Too lazy to remove the weave because it was easy and too lazy to learn how to do her hair because it would be too hard. After our relationship ended after 2 years, I decided that I wanted a woman who could teach our future daughters and nieces how to do their own natural hair. It's a shame that this is considered a high standard....
Oh okay understandable it's not a high standard i was just using a example. Think about it do you really want to miss out on the one because she doesn't fit all your standards?
John-n

Wildey, Barbados

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#14
Nov 16, 2011
 

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dcblackman wrote:
First off I love black women. And I will be the first to say that I can get whatever woman I desire but I prefer black women and think they are the most attractive (for me) because they have so much variety (skin complexion and ethnic groups). HOWEVER, I moved from California to DC a few years ago and I've had and still have culture shock when it comes to the sisters here. Every negative stereotype I laughed about on the west coast is TRUE LIFE here in DC. I'm having a hard time meeting a decent black woman here. I'll explain what I mean by decent. I like black women who:
1. Don't wear weave.
2. Can cook.
3. Are fit.
4. Kind and/or sweet girls (givers).
Are these standards TOO HIGH? In DC, every other person is educated, with a job (you have to have one to live there), but I'm having a hard time meeting a black woman here with these four MINIMAL standards.
Should I keep ignoring the other 99% of non-black women who meet this pathetically, minimal standard? Or should I give up my standards so I can date the typical weave wearing, non-cooking, overweight, pissed off black women I keep meeting here.
AGAIN, I LOVE BLACK WOMEN AND I WANT TO START UP A REAL CONVERSATION. I've seriously contemplated traveling overseas (Caribbean, Central and South America) to date black women because I'm so close being on the East Coast.
I miss Cali.....
Wishful thinking. I don't think you know the black women of today. You are better off with a foreign black woman or a white woman.

But never date an AAW... AAW automatically means the "RED TRAFFIC SIGNAL".

I know the haters will hate me..but it is the truth. However i wish good luck.
PIMP

UK

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#15
Nov 16, 2011
 

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Do you take good care of your hair?

Can you cook?

Are you fit?

Are you kind etc?

S**t attracts ........? Not tryin to be mean jst sayin.

Maybe you should get out more or somethin?? You can't tell me that All the bw you come in contact with in DC are like that( weave etc)?!

*shrugs shoulders*

“Want to touch my fro?”

Level 2

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Small town, Ohio

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#16
Nov 16, 2011
 
dcblackman wrote:
<quoted text>
Thank you for the comment but your analogy is a little off. I'm not refusing to date black women so I can date other types of women. The opposite actually. I'm going out of my way!!! I've done a lot of traveling in my life and lived in great places to meet black women and DC isn't one of them.
I don't doubt that you want a black woman, but I think two of your four requirements should be negotiable to a certain extent. I "overstand" the need to have a good attitude and to be a giving woman and the ability to style and appreciate your own hair. However, a woman who is a few pounds overweight (not obese btw), can still be worked with. In fact, it's a great way to spend time together and get to know one another by
doing physical activities. I also feel that most women can learn how to cook. I learned certain dishes from my mother, but I learned most of what I know from cookbooks and the Food Network. Anyway, I do hope you have more success finding a girl in DC
PIMP

UK

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#17
Nov 16, 2011
 

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John-n wrote:
<quoted text>
Wishful thinking. I don't think you know the black women of today. You are better off with a foreign black woman or a white woman.
But never date an AAW... AAW automatically means the "RED TRAFFIC SIGNAL".
I know the haters will hate me..but it is the truth. However i wish good luck.
smbh Johnnie Johnnie Jonnie 'BOY' when are you going to grow up sheeez?! This MAN is looking for a BW and here you come wit yo ignorant ,loud talkin white washed azz. STFU 'BOY'!
PIMP

UK

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#18
Nov 16, 2011
 
^^ in DC (AAW)

Level 1

Since: Sep 11

Washington, DC

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#19
Nov 16, 2011
 
Ransgrl wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't doubt that you want a black woman, but I think two of your four requirements should be negotiable to a certain extent. I "overstand" the need to have a good attitude and to be a giving woman and the ability to style and appreciate your own hair. However, a woman who is a few pounds overweight (not obese btw), can still be worked with. In fact, it's a great way to spend time together and get to know one another by
doing physical activities. I also feel that most women can learn how to cook. I learned certain dishes from my mother, but I learned most of what I know from cookbooks and the Food Network. Anyway, I do hope you have more success finding a girl in DC
Thanks Ransgrl.

“Want to touch my fro?”

Level 2

Since: Nov 07

Small town, Ohio

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#20
Nov 16, 2011
 
I also want to add that you shouldn't consider it lowering your standards if you compromise. Number four on your list is the one that's most important and will be the hardest to find. In the long run, if you find a woman that is truly kind and giving, I don't think you'll mind choking down a few tasteless meals.

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