The Roles of Husbands and Wives

Nothing in the bible states anything about the "breadwinner" being the leader...that is man made ideology.

Even if my husband makes less than
me, biblically speaking, he is STILL the head of the household.

As well, husbands are to LOVE their wives as Christ loved the church, now if one were to really study and understand just what that means and entails one will see what a difficult calling that really is. This love is to be unconditional as well, even when the wife is in a bad mood, even when she is not submitting, even when he is in a bad mood or not gettin' any, etc etc

Wives are called to RESPECT their husbands unconditionally...even when we are in a bad mood, not getting our way, disagree with his decisions, etc..

One thing my pastor noted that I find quite profound is how women are called to respect, not love their husbands, and men are called to love but not respect their wives.

Let me explain, now of course we are to do both for both, but women naturally show love to their husbands, but we don't naturally respect them, in the they way they need to be shown that respect, men more naturally respect their wives, but don't naturally show love in the way we need love to be shown.

We are called to show/give what the other needs, but not what we naturally offer. Herein lies a big challenge in marriage.

It seems, women would rather feel disrespected than unloved and men would rather feel unloved than disrespected.

Oh how I could go on and on, I love this kind of discussion topic!

cuteblkdude wrote:

<quoted text>
The reason things have changed in marriages is because things have changed in society. I mean no one person can be a bread winner any more. Thats just the reality. Everyone has to split the responsibility as far as paying bills etc. This has caused a change in the interaction between men and women. I mean you try paying a $2000 mortgage by yourself and take care of a wife, children and other bills at the same time on just one income. Who's check goes that far anymore?

It is a choice to have a $2000.00 mortgage, drive expensive cars, etc. If you make that choice to live that lifestyle and the finer things are a priority, it does take 2 incomes.

However, if a couple values or prioritizes, a stay at home mother raising the kids vs some neighborhood daycare, then a sacrifice of the finer things needs to be made and thus a choice to live less posh in order to actualize that couples' values.

For me, I will sacrifice the finer material things in oder to maintain and provide a clean, loving, nurturing, peaceful, and Godly sanctuary of a home for my husband and children (if there are children). I will also happily sacrifice my career in order to free up the time it takes to devote to the above.

I will sacrifice chasing the almighty dollar for more quality time with my husband and kids (if there are kiddos).

Everyone is different, and that is ok, but our values are a choice.

FOCAT wrote:

<quoted text>
You are so on point. We have allowed our own views to interpret the Bible rather than letting the Bible dictate our own views.
Today many couples (particularly females) harp on the point of the husband "loving" the wife as a prerequisite for them to submit. While I agree that husbands should love their wives unconditionally, the same goes for wives to submit unconditionally. I have never read where the Bible says, "Husbands, love your wife as long as she is submissive", or "Wives, submit to your husband as long as he is loving". That creates a stalemate because the husband can refuse to love his wife because she is unsubmissive, or the wife can refuse to submit because her husband is unloving.
We've also let society's rules, i.e., he (or she) who brings the most bread in, has the most say. No matter if the wife is the Housewife of the year or the CEO of Exxon - there is only one position available for head of home and that goes to the man. Which begs the question - what if the man is a poor decision maker? Those are things that should be discovered during courting. Yeah, I know this is the age of instant sex and limitless booty calls - I am not unfamiliar.
Too many times we either rush into dating, sex, and or marriage and find ourselves in an untenable situation, which is, the partner we thought we had turned out to be something outside of our expectations. No we're stuck with an ungodly mate, and/or child[ren], and we want to alter the Bible to fit our situation. The Bible is one size fits all, which if we followed the precepts from the jump, then some of the heartache we may find ourselves in could be avoided.

A-to-the-Men! I am IMPRESSED!!!!! Wow! I am just doin' a cabbage patch/holy dance combo over here!

May I ask your age FOCAT? I am 38.

May I also ask what FOCAT means?

FOCAT wrote:

<quoted text>
So can you. If you don't like it - step. I am tired of your mealy mouthed whining about everyone and everything that you don't agree with or who does not agree with you. I'm not going to retract what I said and you are free to disagree. You can either state your point, start making your silly cyber threats (not even knowing who you're talking to), start cursing like an uneducated half-breed two-bit negro or act like you have some sense, a job and a life and let the thread roll on.
Still refusing to call a supposedly grown man[?] Cute!!!- FOCAT.

That's the spirit. Gundee I think this is a great forum.

cuteblkdude wrote:

<quoted text>
Thanks, and it's good to have you back.

Thank you.

Miss Sha wrote:

<quoted text>
It is a choice to have a $2000.00 mortgage, drive expensive cars, etc. If you make that choice to live that lifestyle and the finer things are a priority, it does take 2 incomes.
However, if a couple values or prioritizes, a stay at home mother raising the kids vs some neighborhood daycare, then a sacrifice of the finer things needs to be made and thus a choice to live less posh in order to actualize that couples' values.
For me, I will sacrifice the finer material things in oder to maintain and provide a clean, loving, nurturing, peaceful, and Godly sanctuary of a home for my husband and children (if there are children). I will also happily sacrifice my career in order to free up the time it takes to devote to the above.
I will sacrifice chasing the almighty dollar for more quality time with my husband and kids (if there are kiddos).
Everyone is different, and that is ok, but our values are a choice.

You have some poignant points.....reminds me of a lady I nicknamed "Woman of Virtue" but her psuedonym was Sistah to Sistah. A woman with her values and committment as she stated is hard to find today. I think you all on similar paths.

Miss Sha wrote:

<quoted text>
A-to-the-Men! I am IMPRESSED!!!!! Wow! I am just doin' a cabbage patch/holy dance combo over here!
May I ask your age FOCAT? I am 38.
May I also ask what FOCAT means?

I am 28. As for my name......it tells too much about me.

FOCAT wrote:

<quoted text>
I am 28. As for my name......it tells too much about me.

Awww C'mon now! Be a pal, what's FOCAT?

And thank you for the compliments! You are biblically mature for your tender age of 28! LOLOL

Miss Sha wrote:

<quoted text>
Awww C'mon now! Be a pal, what's FOCAT?
And thank you for the compliments! You are biblically mature for your tender age of 28! LOLOL

With the unmaksing of FOCAT will come more questions. I take that as a compliment - thank you. But is that just merely Bibilically mature or just mature....

Did you say tender age of 28....you're still a budding flower at 38.....but I digress.:)

FOCAT wrote:

<quoted text>
With the unmasking of FOCAT will come more questions. I take that as a compliment - thank you. But is that just merely Biblically mature or just mature....
Did you say tender age of 28....you're still a budding flower at 38.....but I digress.:)

O I C how it is...questions you don't want to be asked and answered! LOLOL!

Honey, at 38...I am an old Spinster! LOLOL!! Nah! My heart will forever be youthful and as you can see by my pic...hopefully so will my appearance!

I say Biblically mature b/c that's the only topic you and I have gotten deeper into in conversation.

However, given you're level of Biblical maturity, I venture to say you are intelligent and interpersonally mature as well....for the tender young age of 20 cute little 8!

Come over here and lemme pinch those cute cheeks of yours! LOLOL!

;O)

Miss Sha wrote:

<quoted text>
O I C how it is...questions you don't want to be asked and answered! LOLOL!
Honey, at 38...I am an old Spinster! LOLOL!! Nah! My heart will forever be youthful and as you can see by my pic...hopefully so will my appearance!
I say Biblically mature b/c that's the only topic you and I have gotten deeper into in conversation.
However, given you're level of Biblical maturity, I venture to say you are intelligent and interpersonally mature as well....for the tender young age of 20 cute little 8!
Come over here and lemme pinch those cute cheeks of yours! LOLOL!
;O)

I've dated women that may want to pinch your cheeks. LOL. Your pampering is cute - and really you're still young. O.k. So I'm a bit younger but not too much. I see you're a student of the Bible yourself.

Miss Sha wrote:

<quoted text>
O I C how it is...questions you don't want to be asked and answered! LOLOL!
Honey, at 38...I am an old Spinster! LOLOL!! Nah! My heart will forever be youthful and as you can see by my pic...hopefully so will my appearance!
I say Biblically mature b/c that's the only topic you and I have gotten deeper into in conversation.
However, given you're level of Biblical maturity, I venture to say you are intelligent and interpersonally mature as well....for the tender young age of 20 cute little 8!
Come over here and lemme pinch those cute cheeks of yours! LOLOL!
;O)

Really it's not that secretive, it is just that there are so many trolls on here, you never know who is who. I could be a tiny old lady, a jailbird in the pen or a Fed[erali] phishing for information. Nothing personal, I just like to keep as much as possible my wits about me.

FOCAT wrote:

<quoted text>
Really it's not that secretive, it is just that there are so many trolls on here, you never know who is who. I could be a tiny old lady, a jailbird in the pen or a Fed[erali] phishing for information. Nothing personal, I just like to keep as much as possible my wits about me.

I dated a man 7 years younger than me for a few years once. My step grandmother was 7 years older than her hubby and they were like two sided tape they were so close!

Yes, I am a student of the Bible and a gospel music FANATIC!

I am studying up on Job again as I am dealing with similar issues in my life.

If you ever want to live dangerously and take a walk on the wild side...email me that security sensitive FOCAT information to:

sha.email@yahoo.com

or hit me up at

www.myspace.com/hersway

PS Will we/I ever be so blessed as to to see a pic of you?

PSS My codename this week is "Bonkers"

Miss Sha wrote:

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I love this kinda thing here!
I am biblical in my beliefs about the roles of husbands and wives...but I think I am the only one left in this universe that is.

well I was raised with pretty old fashioned beliefs regaring husbands, wives, head of the house, etc..

the problem is two fold, this isn't the same world when the woman could afford to just be home and do everything

and while I am not against submission, there are many men who abuse it and take advantage of it.

I think next go around I am going to be more assertive and not just stand back to support the man and do all the work.

Miss Sha wrote:

<quoted text>
I dated a man 7 years younger than me for a few years once. My step grandmother was 7 years older than her hubby and they were like two sided tape they were so close!
Yes, I am a student of the Bible and a gospel music FANATIC!
I am studying up on Job again as I am dealing with similar issues in my life.
If you ever want to live dangerously and take a walk on the wild side...email me that security sensitive FOCAT information to:
sha.email@yahoo.com
or hit me up at
www.myspace.com/hersway
PS Will we/I ever be so blessed as to to see a pic of you?
PSS My codename this week is "Bonkers"

So what happened with the relationship? I dig older women, but it's funny that one of the youngest females I've ever dated became my wife.

And that's cool that you're into the Bible - I can forsee us possibly talking more. Speaking about music two songs I'm diggin' right now is Byron Cage's "Broken But I'm Healed" and Dewayne Woods "Let Go".

Pics.....if I ever tell you what FOCAT means, then a pic will probably be there somewhere, but I will not post one on here (though I've been tempted after seeing so many women gushing over Patriq...LOL. No I'm not hatin'- if he's a good looking dude loved by the ladies I give him his due.)

Why codename "Bonkers"?

FOCAT wrote:

<quoted text>
So what happened with the relationship? I dig older women, but it's funny that one of the youngest females I've ever dated became my wife.
And that's cool that you're into the Bible - I can forsee us possibly talking more. Speaking about music two songs I'm diggin' right now is Byron Cage's "Broken But I'm Healed" and Dewayne Woods "Let Go".
Pics.....if I ever tell you what FOCAT means, then a pic will probably be there somewhere, but I will not post one on here (though I've been tempted after seeing so many women gushing over Patriq...LOL. No I'm not hatin'- if he's a good looking dude loved by the ladies I give him his due.)
Why codename "Bonkers"?

I was 27 at the time and he was 20, but told me he was 21...I busted him being 20 when a New Year's club party was going on and he was stammering and stumbling over why he could not go! LOLOLOL!!!

Anyway, later on in the relationship, he cheated on me. There's a funny story behind that one! So I had to "Insta-Curb" him.

How long have you been married and how much younger is your lovely wife?

Email me a pic to my email address? Purty please? For a dollar bill and one nickel? I like to associate a face with those I converse with.

I just think Code Name Bonkers is silly...

Oh yeah........

I love Byron Cage's The Presence of the Lord is Here and Psalm 3!

I also love Fred Hammond's, He Lives and right now I am living "I Will Find a Way"

My fav is Avion Blackman:

http://www.avionblackman.com/audio_flat.htm

She is a fusion of Jazz, Regaae, R&B, and her voice sounds like a blend of India Arie and Sade.

Her lyrics speak to, and stir, my very soul! She is THAT deep to me!

I could go on and on about all the gospel artists I love!

I would enjoy speaking to you more as well. But I don't want to disrespect your wife and marriage, by doing so...

I don’t see my first post so, at the risk of repeating myself, I’m going to weigh in a second time.

Since everyone is different, I don’t think there is one answer to this question. The changes in our society have resulted in both genders facing challenges. However, people have to learn to take the bitter with the sweet. For instance- Many men love having a “modern woman” when her salary allows him to reap the benefits of a six-figure income without having to work several jobs. However, this same man will want her to adopt a more traditional mindset when it’s convenient for him (i.e. when he wants to make all decisions associated with the household). Now, before the men reading this get up in arms, I will very quickly say that the same rule applies to the ladies. If a woman wants a “modern man”, she has to realize that he’s going to be this way ALL the time, not just when he’s sharing the responsibility for making decisions or doing chores. As a result, there’s a good chance that he will expect her to contribute to the household income and, possibly, assume some responsibilities that have been traditionally labeled as the “man’s job”. While I definitely feel that all people should rise to meet the challenges of their situation (even if it means coming out of their beloved comfort zone), someone isn’t going to turn certain aspects of their personality on and off to suit their partner’s whims and they shouldn’t be expected to do so. It’s all about balance folks.

People also have to communicate their value set AHEAD OF TIME and choose their mate based on their values instead of trying to change the person after the rings have been exchanged. Men, if you want a traditional woman, that’s great! However, don’t marry someone that you KNOW is a modern woman and proceed to either a) try to change her into a traditional wife or b) complain about the ills of the “independent woman” when you have constant disagreements about everything under the sun. Identify what is important to you in a wife and seek out that kind of woman. The same goes for the ladies. If your boyfriend/fiancé uses the term “woman’s work” on a regular basis, why would you expect him to magically turn into “Mr. Mom” once you get married and have a family? It irritates me to no end when I hear women complain their husband’s “caveman mentality” to everyone within earshot when they knew he was like that WHILE THEY WERE DATING. Making the effort to look for someone who is truly compatible takes a lot of patience and can be very time consuming, but it is worth it in the end.

Miss Sha wrote:

<quoted text>
I was 27 at the time and he was 20, but told me he was 21...I busted him being 20 when a New Year's club party was going on and he was stammering and stumbling over why he could not go! LOLOLOL!!!
Anyway, later on in the relationship, he cheated on me. There's a funny story behind that one! So I had to "Insta-Curb" him.
How long have you been married and how much younger is your lovely wife?
Email me a pic to my email address? Purty please? For a dollar bill and one nickel? I like to associate a face with those I converse with.
I just think Code Name Bonkers is silly...

Hmmmm.....that's the thing. An older woman is more settled and not so flighty as younger women. However, as with the case of your ex, I was not ready to settle down either - unfortunate, but you learn from the experience. My wife is about four years younger than I am....not too much younger but possibly at critical junctures of outlooks.

I'll have to mull over the pic request, but I will keep it in mind. I too like to put a face with the conversations I have.

Code Name Bonkers is silly.....you won't get an argument from me on that. LOL.

Oh yeah a 2nd time...FOCAT

I am not dead set on Va Beach...but I would like to be there or higher (north). I have prayed the Lord bring me Mr. Right and I can move to where he is! Hopefully that might be on the east coast near an ocean/beach?!

Love this image!
http://shisa.ukzn.ac.za/pictures/Pray.jpg