The Roles of Husbands and Wives

I have had many lively discussions about what it takes to have a great marriage and family. These discussions almost always ended up becoming a battle between the husbands and the wives, or the male vs the female.

Once upon a time, husbands were the breadwinners of the family, i.e., made the money by working outside of the home, and the wives worked inside of the home, i.e, cooked, cleaned, washed, took care of the kids, etc. In those days, marital roles/expections/responsibilie s were clearly define. Nowadays, we know that things have most definitely changed. Some will say that those changes have hurt the family structure, while others say it was a long-waited improvement.

What say you?

gundee123 wrote:

I have had many lively discussions about what it takes to have a great marriage and family. These discussions almost always ended up becoming a battle between the husbands and the wives, or the male vs the female.
Once upon a time, husbands were the breadwinners of the family, i.e., made the money by working outside of the home, and the wives worked inside of the home, i.e, cooked, cleaned, washed, took care of the kids, etc. In those days, marital roles/expections/responsibilie s were clearly define. Nowadays, we know that things have most definitely changed. Some will say that those changes have hurt the family structure, while others say it was a long-waited improvement.
What say you?

What's up my brother? It's your world you know the rest. I believe you will find many good and decent people here and hope to read many of your comments.

Did Rodney get home Ok? I really enjoyed them visiting and love seeing him play the positive role of a father.

You did well my friend and I am proud to say you are indeed my best friend.

Now getting to your question. I believe in the phylosphy of mutal love and understanding and believe that on those rare occassions when only one can make the decision it should be made be the one who has assumed the role of the provider until he or she has abused that privilage. What say you?

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I love this kinda thing here!

I am biblical in my beliefs about the roles of husbands and wives...but I think I am the only one left in this universe that is.

Miss Sha wrote:

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I love this kinda thing here!
I am biblical in my beliefs about the roles of husbands and wives...but I think I am the only one left in this universe that is.

No Tommy feels this way as well.

Kathy Kat wrote:

<quoted text>No Tommy feels this way as well.

Actually, Tommy and I differ greatly in the interpretation and application of the scriptures concerning this. Big time!

Miss Sha wrote:

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I love this kinda thing here!
I am biblical in my beliefs about the roles of husbands and wives...but I think I am the only one left in this universe that is.

When you say that you're biblical in your beliefs about the roles of husbands and wives, are you referring to the Old or New Testament? Or Both?

gundee123 wrote:

<quoted text>
When you say that you're biblical in your beliefs about the roles of husbands and wives, are you referring to the Old or New Testament? Or Both?

I'd have to say new testament....well, and old...they tie in together, the Lord does not contradict Himself.

Miss Sha wrote:

<quoted text>
I'd have to say new testament....well, and old...they tie in together, the Lord does not contradict Himself.

If I may ask, what particular scripture do you basic your belief on? Many Christians believe that a wife role in a marriage is predetermined. However, we now live in a society that promotes both dual and shared roles. What are your thoughts are that?

I believe it is pre-determined for both husband and wife.

I do not believe God's Word changes. Rather, it us that change and try to make God change according to our times and ideas...essentially creating a "DESIGNER God" who meets OUR needs and desires vs us meeting HIS.

If we interpret and apply scripture correctly, the husband wife relationship is a beautiful and harmonious union.

My favorite scripture is in Ephesians 5.

As well, I believe in the concept of the husband being a "servant leader", Christ being the prime example of that.

King of the castle

or

Shepherd of the sheep?

Shepherd of the sheep, as was Jesus.

Husbands MUST love their wives UNCONDITIONALLY. Love and friendship and commitment is important to make a marriage work. A wife must have deep respect for her husband (provided...he respects her) and a husband must cherish and love his wife like his own body.Its all in Ecclesastes or Proverbs. I have no intentions of getting married, but I admire people who have the spleen to do so. Its a BIG life changing step. Some people find love and some don't.

I don't approve of extra marital affairs of any kind. It is disrespectful and selfish and there is no gain. You only progress one step closer to AIDS.

Well this is My take.

Miss Sha wrote:

I believe it is pre-determined for both husband and wife.
I do not believe God's Word changes. Rather, it us that change and try to make God change according to our times and ideas...essentially creating a "DESIGNER God" who meets OUR needs and desires vs us meeting HIS.
If we interpret and apply scripture correctly, the husband wife relationship is a beautiful and harmonious union.

My favorite scripture is in Ephesians 5.
As well, I believe in the concept of the husband being a "servant leader", Christ being the prime example of that.
King of the castle
or
Shepherd of the sheep?
Shepherd of the sheep, as was Jesus.

Thank you for your insightful response. I agree that God word's never changes. However, I notice that you used the term "If" when referring to how we interpret and apply scripture correctly.

Many Christians interpret and apply the biblical teaching of husband-headship and wife-submission differently. Over the past 40-50 years there has been a major shift in the biblical interpretation of Ephesian 5:22-33 (KVJ). Today, many people believe in the egalitarian view of marriage (a 50-50 partnership).

I believe that the biblical scripture is not well accepted by the mainstream because the focus is on the value of wife-submission, rather than the function of husband-headship. What say you? I thank you for your thought-provoking comments.

Bluecat wrote:

Husbands MUST love their wives UNCONDITIONALLY. Love and friendship and commitment is important to make a marriage work. A wife must have deep respect for her husband (provided...he respects her) and a husband must cherish and love his wife like his own body.Its all in Ecclesiastes or Proverbs. I have no intentions of getting married, but I admire people who have the spleen to do so. Its a BIG life changing step. Some people find love and some don't.
I don't approve of extra marital affairs of any kind. It is disrespectful and selfish and there is no gain. You only progress one step closer to AIDS.
Well this is My take.

Thank you for your interesting perspective. I could not help but notice that you said that the husband must have unconditional love for his wife and cherish her. However, the wife's deep respect for her husband was conditional. Would this not be a double standard? If I may ask, why have you choosen not to get married? Again, that you for sharing your thoughts.

Miss Sha wrote:

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I love this kinda thing here!
I am biblical in my beliefs about the roles of husbands and wives...but I think I am the only one left in this universe that is.

You are not alone.

Miss Sha wrote:

<quoted text>
I'd have to say new testament....well, and old...they tie in together, the Lord does not contradict Himself.

Very insightful - I'm pleasantly surprised.

Miss Sha wrote:

I believe it is pre-determined for both husband and wife.
I do not believe God's Word changes. Rather, it us that change and try to make God change according to our times and ideas...essentially creating a "DESIGNER God" who meets OUR needs and desires vs us meeting HIS.
If we interpret and apply scripture correctly, the husband wife relationship is a beautiful and harmonious union.
My favorite scripture is in Ephesians 5.
As well, I believe in the concept of the husband being a "servant leader", Christ being the prime example of that.
King of the castle
or
Shepherd of the sheep?
Shepherd of the sheep, as was Jesus.

You are so on point. We have allowed our own views to interpret the Bible rather than letting the Bible dictate our own views.

Today many couples (particularly females) harp on the point of the husband "loving" the wife as a prerequisite for them to submit. While I agree that husbands should love their wives unconditionally, the same goes for wives to submit unconditionally. I have never read where the Bible says, "Husbands, love your wife as long as she is submissive", or "Wives, submit to your husband as long as he is loving". That creates a stalemate because the husband can refuse to love his wife because she is unsubmissive, or the wife can refuse to submit because her husband is unloving.

We've also let society's rules, i.e., he (or she) who brings the most bread in, has the most say. No matter if the wife is the Housewife of the year or the CEO of Exxon - there is only one position available for head of home and that goes to the man. Which begs the question - what if the man is a poor decision maker? Those are things that should be discovered during courting. Yeah, I know this is the age of instant sex and limitless booty calls - I am not unfamiliar.

Too many times we either rush into dating, sex, and or marriage and find ourselves in an untenable situation, which is, the partner we thought we had turned out to be something outside of our expectations. No we're stuck with an ungodly mate, and/or child[ren], and we want to alter the Bible to fit our situation. The Bible is one size fits all, which if we followed the precepts from the jump, then some of the heartache we may find ourselves in could be avoided.

gundee123 wrote:

<quoted text>
Thank you for your interesting perspective. I could not help but notice that you said that the husband must have unconditional love for his wife and cherish her. However, the wife's deep respect for her husband was conditional. Would this not be a double standard? If I may ask, why have you choosen not to get married? Again, that you for sharing your thoughts.

Good observation. Women are quick to point out the men to love "unconditionally" while they pick and choose when to submit.

cuteblkdude wrote:

<quoted text>
This is a forum not bible class. You and other religious nuts need to stop hiding behind the bible and just talk from education and experience. Black folks and religion can be extremely annoying.

So can you. If you don't like it - step. I am tired of your mealy mouthed whining about everyone and everything that you don't agree with or who does not agree with you. I'm not going to retract what I said and you are free to disagree. You can either state your point, start making your silly cyber threats (not even knowing who you're talking to), start cursing like an uneducated half-breed two-bit negro or act like you have some sense, a job and a life and let the thread roll on.

Still refusing to call a supposedly grown man[?] Cute!!!- FOCAT.

cuteblkdude wrote:

<quoted text>
The reason things have changed in marriages is because things have changed in society. I mean no one person can be a bread winner any more. Thats just the reality. Everyone has to split the responsibility as far as paying bills etc. This has caused a change in the interaction between men and women. I mean you try paying a $2000 mortgage by yourself and take care of a wife, children and other bills at the same time on just one income. Who's check goes that far anymore?

Thank you for your comments. I agree that things have changed in society. But would you not agree that society is made up of people? If so, isn't the changes in marriages a result of people changing.

I think that the roles of husbands and wives have drastically changed. Some would argue that it was by choice, while others would argue that it was by circumstances. However, most would agree that there have been a major shift in the roles. The question is, are those changes in roles more helpful or hurtful to the family structure? What say you? Thank you again for your insightful perspective.

cuteblkdude wrote:

<quoted text>
We all have different personalities here and I wouldn't be me if I wasn't a hot head. Got no beef wit you. Just stating an opinion about black folks and the church. It sometimes makes us judgemental and biased.

I recognize that we have different personalities. What I'm saying is that if you don't agree, you can either ignore what I or any or person said, or you can in fact make a statement. It does not necessarily call for verbal attacks on someone who you don't know just because they see differently than you do.

As far as religion goes - I would say that a belief system is subjective - the opposite of that is that one does not truly know or understand what they believe and are in term wishy washy. While I maintain an openess to hear other's opinions that differ from my own, to give in to a point for the sake of being open-minded is absurd. Many times people have the wrong application corresponding with their religious beliefs or are just wrong - it does not make religion moot or the Bible irrelevant. I cannot force you to believe as I do, I can only show you why and then leave it up to you or anyone else to agree or disagree.

Life's too short and you know the area we live in - people lose their lives for less so I would admonish you to check that "temper". Times have changed and in this day even kids are running around inflicting serious bodily harm and taking lives. Is it really worth it, to show you're big and bad to impress.....who? We're still brothers whether you like it or not and we still have to look out for one another.

Help keep the peace my brother.....

Scripture calls for the man to be the head of the home and the wife to submit for the purposes of FUNCTION and STRUCTURE...it has NOTHING to do with equality or superiority of one or inferiority of the other.

Much like the corporate world, where employees have roles and positions for FUNCTION/STRUCTURE within the corporate entity. No employee is superior/inferior, but w/o structure, the company will collapse.

The same applies to the leadership of countries, cities, and states...there MUST be leadership and those willing to submit to it, or it will be utter chaos, as we have seen and are seeing overseas.

However a leader or husband that is a selfish and controlling dictator is no leader at all.....

He who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted...(Luke 18:14)

A mature and genuine CHRISTIAN man/husband will have an understanding of SERVANT LEADERSHIP...and will understand that as the leader, he will often find himself submitting to his wife just as often if not MORE. Jesus is the prime example of servant leadership. As He stated in scripture, I came NOT TO BR SERVED, but to SERVE...as he washed the apostles feet. And This is God Himself saying this.